Holocaust rap i wrote for English class

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=420162
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=420162

a rap i wrote for a holocaust english project. tell me what u think. if theres any part u dont understand just ask.

machines guns spit fire
jewish extermination,
mercenaires for hire,
joining the German nation,
eradication,
of a whole people,
in the eyes of a nazi,
no one is equal.
Jews changed to animals,
from civilized brains to deranged cannibals
with flesh between their mandibles,
Nazi soldiers, wolfs in sheeps clothing
jews weep, while unknowing.
radiation flowing
throught the nuclear institution,
distribution of fear, retribution is near, its clear,
the Final Solution

this is more of a poem. i think it is okay the vocab is good. i love how u put everything the wordplay is good. thats really how the nazi were seing the jews thru there eyes. its a dark lil written and i like that. ur lines are short but to the point but eradication as a line....idk bout that lol. i actually i like it doe its very intreaging but i think that its a poem like i said in the begginning.

rtf plz ill hit up more of urs
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...888/index.html

thanks fam, i appreciate the feed

Upping

i would really say the jews were exterminated... cuz technically they werent

But it was the act of attempting to exterminate......

cool poetic shit, the mandibles line made me giggle

This was ok for how short it was... I think it could've been dragged on, know what I mean? To give more info about it and shit, like made a short story out of it or somethin' creative like that. It does sound a bit poetic.. But only because of the rhymescheme used. The usage of vocabulary was good, liked it. But like I said, sucked somewhat because of how short.. You give me a piece of the pie, now I want the whole thing, feel me? I'ma go look up about it, lol, keep writin'.

this lacked relevance if wrote for me

Mmm, Most kid's in your english class wouldn't know what you ment.
But overall good piece,
You had some strait wordplay and the way you did this was enjoying .
Good read. short but good.,

thanks fam. It's short cuz it was a short asignment

You've got potential, I don't know how well versed you are on the Holocaust but it's always fun to see someone tackle a subject already covered countless times, to see what they think... Personally I would have tried to approach this in a way I haven't seen done before. (Perhaps even from Hitlers point of view, charting his rise to power etc) and then possibly tried to tie it in with what's happening in the world today as a result of it. (I would have probably used the rising support for the BNP in the UK due to the similarities there...).

Just some advice on the areas the guys above haven't covered yet. It's far too easy to just type 'straight wordplay, good piece, and not offer up anything insightful.

Thanks fam. Uppin

yo can you rtf on the joint i have up?

it would be appreciated haha

upping