Sunflowers [A Song for Her]

Sunflowers [A Song for Her]
By: Nash






Sunflowers... an everlasting field of
them will never have power over this
one. not a single growing, sunlight
getting, rain sipping one of them can
match the love this ONE has for me.
Nor could it ever hold weight to the
feelings that I return.


Pedals graze my cheek...
so beyond belief they cannot speak,
as the lips of its center touches on
my teeth. I cannot breathe, the texture
is far too great... and I can't relieve or
rid myself of these things [though I'd
never want that]. My skin interlocks,
holding high speculation and a regard
to her heart [and yes you heard right]
the gorgeous flower has a gender.
I'll never pretend her beauty is ever
greater than another; she's the sacred
promise my ventricle's ends have given
to its lover... she, my flower, is but the
blood to my veins. with this love song,
I'm the speech to her brain. I'm the
cold relief to her flame when the sun
is too hot... a flower is but a flower,
but I'll tell you who's not - she'll never
wilt, wither, or decay; she'll never lose
her color or phade. she carries a lush
taste no bee could steal away. she
makes it through the winter nights,
dry sunshines, and hard rains. her
strength's amazing, her stem's shape
sends me craving for a sweet honey
taste, or dew drops from her leaves
crashing down on my face. instead
of pollen, she makes love for me in
its place.



Wording things differently...
this is how I'd speak:


She's the pollen, and I'm her bee,
she's the air my flower breathes,
I'm the rain, she's the pedal -
and I'm her sunlight above the trees.
this greenhouse is a lovers scene,
but we'll need no shade for covering.
while she inhales the sun and rain -
I breathe in her love and smothering.



And ONE sunflower has become my song,
because no others sing.


I love her, and she loves me.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-369072.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ea-369043.html

Wow..I almost Cry'd while reading this..lol..but this was dope...I loved the metaphoric transistion's...that you used here..you basically painted the picture of one loney flower in the midst of hundreds..and you did it in a way that seemed to be simple yet effective...The beginning stanza basically prepared you for the emotion that was about to take place while reading the piece..

Quote:

---

Sunflowers... an everlasting field of
them will never have power over this
one. not a single growing, sunlight
getting, rain sipping one of them can
match the love this ONE has for me.
Nor could it ever hold weight to the
feelings that I return.

---

That part really seemed to set the tone for me as a reader..I was like O'K..where's he's going with this..and the way you portrayed the emotion in this small part was nice..very nice..

Quote:

---

she'll never
wilt, wither, or decay; she'll never lose
her color or phade. she carries a lush
taste no bee could steal away. she
makes it through the winter nights,
dry sunshines, and hard rains. her
strength's amazing, her stem's shape
sends me craving for a sweet honey
taste, or dew drops from her leaves
crashing down on my face. instead
of pollen, she makes love for me in
its place.

---

reading up to that part was kindofa thrill ride of an emotional bases..I mean..emotion was IMO your strong point in this piece..and the imagery really helped you convey that to the reader..your wording was nice/on point..nothing seemed to be out of place or unneccessary..and I just basically loved how descriptive you were with every aspect of imagery..it really made for one fun and understanding read..the way you even made the story unfold @ the end I thought at first was a bit on the cliche side..then I re-read it and said..FUCK YEAH..i prolly would've done the same thing so it made more sense..overall this was one hellofa drop..so props...NOM'd..RTF BISH..:o


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...oy-368638.html

Man have you ever done gardening? Lol... This piece right here is dope my dude.
Unfortunately it can't be nom'd twice. Your tack on this was what interested me
most. Giving the sunflower lady qualities and a sense of attachment between the two of you helped this piece go a long way. Your witty descriptions and wordplay made this really come to life and there she lay in my head. The emotion was just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks for the enjoyable read.

Plz RFT!
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...te-368724.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-369130.html

tip top.

This was a pretty strong piece man. I think you're one of the more underrated writers on this site. Like, you've been doing your thing forever and sometimes you dont get the props you deserve. I really like poems about nature and shit. Alot of the times your language was very simple but it wasn't really an issue: in fact, it kind of jived with the whole idea of 'back to the basics nature.' The emotion also really came through in this piece. Please hit up my piece "Raja's Life on the Mountain." Its gotten hella slept on!

yeah, I'll hit it up when I can.

Yap. Lovely scene man. the different layout u used was really interesting(not having a complete phrase/sentenese per line). Thats something Ive learnt from PS and it makes my writting realy easier.
I liked the idea. I guess u feel lucky.

('Im the rain and she's the petal', I think.)

check out 'Blind poetry'

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...me-370005.html
Hit that for me.



This was dope, I want you to be motivated like this in our SS battle man. What has been said, leaves nothing else to say about the piece itself. Very motivated read. Loads of emotion in this man. Wording was straight forward and in the end... I've very little to say. Dope piece. Keep writing.

cool, get links later tonight...

RTF you butthole!

I will you vage....

definately a great piece! the vocabulary, the words you chose. excellent!