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xGutterxChristx
brass knuckles and studded head wounds
chew the guts of busted pews
-where the stares split the prayers
that now reside under the cellar stairs.
the vomit spills through her fingers
onto the flimsy pages,
until it soaks down to the cover-
it's been a long,
long fucking night.
under the reek of rotting cattle
that stained the chain holding her rosary beads
between her pushed up tits
below the slutty biker jacket
-where the body of Christ could sneak a peak,
the alter bit her knees
as she touched the velveteen
and she grinned her tar filled teeth.
the crucifix sat on the floor face down
-he doesn't want to see us like this,
so he can look the fuck away.
her knuckles wore more scars
and rotten scabs then her dirty heart
did beneath the tattoos on her crass
-one too many broken edges from just the right
amount of stabs to the back;
better to let the vitals blister over
than let them eat another dagger
-sorry Jesus,
this one aint yours.
she takes too many sips of wine
to handle the next set of prayer,
because she cant cross her legs
unless the beer bong
and last night's fuck subside.
her knees still in the music-
beat the shit out of each other
as she tries to stand
another movement-
her stomach spits the mosh pit
across the confessional
and hell fills her steps.
as the combat boots rip the tiles off the floor
before her bullet belt
fills their heads with a vision
of true religion!
-and as Jesus eats the asphalt
her boot looses tread
and his head slips off the curb
before her jagged words rip apart his head;
his hair sweeps his pale white face-
and as she spits in it,
his tears smear the paint that raped
her mother and slit her brothers wrists.
dirty brown baby under the tread,
another curb to crush-
one for the punx
before body of Christ was beaten,
til' it bled all over the streets-
and washed away unmarked graves-
that dragged with them the mask
he wore as he hung the nation
in blind faith drowning below the slave ship!
and he gazed at her gutter mouth,
bound with steel and barbed wire-
car tire tread for a weathered face
that wore like 'slut'
on the stage of a neo-nun
-that had begun to lead the way.
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Re: xGutterxChristx
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Re: xGutterxChristx
I really liked the concept man, it was original and refreshing. As always, it was very dark and almost humerously morbit. ANd i must say i loved it! THe only part i can find that i didn't like wording wise was "ripped apart his head" it just sounded off to me in my mind... i think it would have sounded better if it had been ripped his head apart... that's just a personal thing though, not a flaw in your writing. I loved the contrast between the very poetic, almost snob like language, and then straight to the trashy wording of "aint" i thought that added a lot of light and shade to the piece and gave it a nice depth in tone... i love the voice you were using... very strong and controlling. you pretty much had me gripped man. nice job.
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Re: xGutterxChristx
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Re: xGutterxChristx
brass knuckles and studded head wounds
chew the guts of busted pews
-where the stares split the prayers
that now reside under the cellar stairs.
creative and interesting way to decribe that you have lost faith, although I may be misintepertating the overall message.
the vomit spills through her fingers
onto the flimsy pages,
until it soaks down to the cover-
it's been a long,
long fucking night.
under the reek of rotting cattle
that stained the chain holding her rosary beads
between her pushed up tits
below the slutty biker jacket
-where the body of Christ could sneak a peak,
the alter bit her knees
as she touched the velveteen
and she grinned her tar filled teeth.
descriptive.
the crucifix sat on the floor face down
-he doesn't want to see us like this,
so he can look the fuck away.
this is interesting.. how you worded this that is.
her knuckles wore more scars
and rotten scabs then her dirty heart
did beneath the tattoos on her crass
-one too many broken edges from just the right
amount of stabs to the back;
better to let the vitals blister over
than let them eat another dagger
very descriptive and clever
-sorry Jesus,
this one aint yours.
she takes too many sips of wine
to handle the next set of prayer,
because she cant cross her legs
unless the beer bong
and last night's fuck subside.
her knees still in the music-
beat the shit out of each other
as she tries to stand
another movement-
her stomach spits the mosh pit
across the confessional
and hell fills her steps.
as the combat boots rip the tiles off the floor
before her bullet belt
fills their heads with a vision
of true religion!
best lines thusfar. I enjoyed how you worded this so much!
-and as Jesus eats the asphalt
her boot looses tread
and his head slips off the curb
before her jagged words rip apart his head;
leaves you with suspense
his hair sweeps his pale white face-
and as she spits in it,
his tears smear the paint that raped
her mother and slit her brothers wrists.
dirty brown baby under the tread,
another curb to crush-
one for the punx
before body of Christ was beaten,
til' it bled all over the streets-
and washed away unmarked graves-
that dragged with them the mask
he wore as he hung the nation
in blind faith drowning below the slave ship!
and he gazed at her gutter mouth,
bound with steel and barbed wire-
car tire tread for a weathered face
that wore like 'slut'
on the stage of a neo-nun
-that had begun to lead the way.
This piece is fucking awesome. Just so clever and cunning.. theres really noway to decribe the piece without being clique so im going to leave without saying much.
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Re: xGutterxChristx
hit the link in my sig please
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Re: xGutterxChristx
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...st-356168.html
^^
hit that atti
but this here was a very well nice read man... your concept in this was spectac...ya know it wasnt blown out of proportion in anyway and you dropped with finesse to your own wording and word usage man... the story in this was a nice read and kept my head up all the way through and i was happy to read this man...seeing as i have not read anything lately this was just a nice read and the whole situation with this was a nice way to climax the story man... you started strong rom start to finish man... some stories dont get there til the middle were its exciting but through start to fiinish it was justa nice read and i really enjoyed your write and expect to see more form you even though you have already done so much man.
