My Mutiny Scrutiny

Esco 3000
My Mutiny Scrutiny


i need to be tutored to your silent mutiny
you see, your mute rebellion is disheveling
the powers that be
though far from loud...and i see too that you
need new ears for your uprising to fall silent upon
i tried sign language, read your mind with my palm
your deaf threats will not go unnoticed
i once thought your exhalation exclamations were unheard of
as you rest your eyes, i'm sure your incessant glares don't impress the sky
yet i still chase ways to get down with your silent uprising
trying to balance my time without dissapointing the cause
the tipping point is gripping my heart
as i await the chips' descent
in attempt to have my voice heard under this lip zipped dissent
but the silence is drowning me
drinking your noiseless voice
the passion of your mass...it bounces off the walls
every account drumming in my ears, as i plummet for fear of discovery
i let out an offering to this silent communion
communicating in ways unimagined
my pride becoming unfastened
trapped in the crossfire
of this silent action...

You're breaking the mold, daring difference
Our relationship began sweet but soured up until the bitter end
i've written ten fold about this mute madness
sending telepathic love taps
cutting the tension without uttering a sentence
trapped in an invisible box, unable to speak with this elephant in the room
i think i've gone nuts...
now my metaphor is eating at me, every near-word misleading my train of thought
i wonder when you'll break your oath of silence
thus far it's been handled with care
there were times when you fought for the cause, and that's rare
and now we stare, eyes embraced
my mind is racing and it's taking it's toll, listen!
now you've gone and claimed poll position
you control the arena, without even a sigh in the wind
you begin crying then...a victorious gladiator
lost upon exiting the lions den
you've claimed your prize, a sentence or two
maybe more, i wait dejected for what you have in store
and yet you serve to suprise
silent uprising has won your gun, our weapon of choice being words
and yet for me you have none.
funny how the first cut is the deepest
and now i'm up in arms
at war with myself
for forever holding my peace.


1luv.

Hmm, elevation is key.

Aight Fresh...

Thisz was very good, really liked the rhyming, although some rhymes seemed out of place and overly simplisticlike the line

"as you rest your eyes, i'm sure your incessant glares don't impress the sky"

Tha line seemed a bit off...but some lines I thought were beautifully done like

"as i await the chips' descent
in attempt to have my voice heard under this lip zipped dissent"

Really liked that man, your metaphors were dope for the most part, although some bordered on being almost too cliche i.e. Train of thought, first cut is the deepest....but you incorporated them flawlessly...very nice job mman, I'm glad to see you more active around the site, now if you could jus show in IE :)

Much respect man

please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328370

Appreciate the feed homie, glad you peeped it. I'll be sure to get to your joint.

More replies perhaps?

Elevation is key.

I liked this shit alot, u a good fucking writer my nig not like on some rapbattles shit but on some published in a magazine shit. Only thing I would say would be to work on you structure, dress the work up a little, presentation is a big part of anything. Loved your writing though and your language is poppin'. Gotta give it up ta you. Lovin' it.

Hit me back on my shit, ul find it

one

Thanks so much for the love man, for real.

I don't get why no one peeps my shit, however elevation remains key.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Esco 3000

Thanks so much for the love man, for real.

I don't get why no one peeps my shit, however elevation remains key.

---

^ me either

This was beautifully written.. the piece flowed very nicely and it was definately one of those that you have to keep reading till the end.

need new ears for your uprising to fall silent upon
i tried sign language, read your mind with my palm

^ When this popped up at the beggining I knew this was goin' to be a nice piece.

Overall you had a great choice of words and put them together to make a great read.

Thanks a lot for the response man, i appreciate that you enjoyed it.

Elevation is key.

This piece was really well written man!

I really liked your style/approach and how you toyed with a whole lot of different phrases and described the relationship. From what i gathered you were talking about a guy and his girl, having that "elephant in the room" feeling about the relationship not working. Both parties aware and neither of them speaking on it, which was dope and you brought the concept to life really well. My one gripe would be that it's a bit wordy for you though, i know from your older writing that you can be a bit more polished in terms of making the reader relate to your pieces in less attention drawing ways then overemphasizing. That aside though this was a dope piece, glad to see you're still yourself man.

-Fiasco