Transparent Sleeve

He loves to watch anime; The action and romantic story-lines
Made him appreciate life as he dodged any boring times.
This is his first valentines with her so it was extra special.
He's low on cash so he picks up one rose with textured pedals.
He recalls how he let her settle. The snow melts on his apparel.
The bright sugar-coated floor blindfolds sparrows,
Symbolizing that love is a Helen Keller trapped in a barrel.
He's unequipped with a heart impervious to bow and arrows...
And he's no Perseus; His fake adamant tickles Medusa's neck
So he gets stoned before the sea monster does. "It suits ya best"
Is what he says to himself. Meanwhile, Adromeda screams loud,
And she gets gobbled up. In other words, she can't seem to smile.
She gets impatient, unaware that the train's delayed and sure
She hates that he's running... no, crawling late to her,
But he's rushing and a drunken middle-aged woman pushed him.
He fell onto the train tracks and tried to use the rose as a cushion.
Electric bolts almost cooked him. The rumble of the train shook him,
But he climbed back onto the platform before the train squooshed him.
Pain took pins into a deeper part of his hooked skin, that it did.
He was taken to the hospital and he was still passionate.
Thinking about how he wanted to be on time for a change.
He refused to give up and get up, proclaiming his spine and his brain,
Returned to the train with the same rose and entered the hour ride
Thankful for not being suspected, by doctors, that he was high.
The sour pride kept his dreams alive and an empowered drive
Led him to an optimistic deem of rides along side the sweetest bride.
At least he tried to think of it that way. Now he's half way there.
His face tears a bit when a simple ruffian slices his dimple.
His emotions are rough again and gets into a fight over nothing.
Dude was an old kindergarten foe coming out for retribution
His anger was erupting so the tough stings found him a conclusion,
But he still held on to that rose and arrived at his last stop,
Got off the train avoiding trash talk. The snow was heavier.
His fast thoughts matched spots as they landed on his tongue.
It surprisingly warmed his soul, but deadlier chances would shun
When he entered through her wide open door, but his jaw didn't drop.
He just stared at both naked bodies, watching with a flawless distraught.

She had the answer sheet...
In her transparent sleeve
Is this what it's come to, a planet filled with romantic cheats?
She's reading the sections...
In her transparent sleeve
How could she think that 1 plus 1 equals 11
She's prone to stroll...
In her transparent sleeve
Demons descended on her mind, body and sold her soul
He stuck his broken rose...
In his transparent sleeve
And realized that the rose wasn't just broken,
but dead like the blackest nights
Symbolizing that love needs more than 7 Dragonballs to bring it back to life.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=325628&page=2
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=327989

ill tell you what, man.. amazing shit right here..... he has like no cash... dude gets a cheap rose.. its his first valentines day.. and he almost gets killed by a train.. STILL has the rose... he runs into more shit... ignores it... he goes through all that trouble... STILL has the damn rose... the dude goes home.. seein' her and somebody else naked together.. this piece was incredible... very creative... i dont know what to say.. everything was good.. the flow was on track..... now u need a part 2.. its time the bitch pays the price!!!.. lol.. very nice work, man.. i enjoyed it alot

XD Thanks. I'm glad i made that effect. I was hoping that someone would notice how everything is going bad for him and the only thing that keeps him happy is his girl, but in the end, even she let him down. It's supposed to be depressing, with a little humor involved like that dragonball line. I don't like to make the WHOLE ENTIRE thing sad.

The flow was hot..Nice vocab and mettas and multies..i liked the story line...and This was a versy creative drop..I didnt have a favorite part cause the whole thing was..Nice Complex Strucure And everything This whole piece was put together perfect very nice drop Homie.

Thanks, dude. Leave links and i will return favor, folks.

I thought this was great. true life yo. it flowed great, the story was creative. I thought it was very witty at parts. Grammar and everything was flawless please stay up and active. I dont usually ead pieces all the way thru but I was darwn even to this one. Great Job!

rtf:When I Write in my siggy

pretty cool read. I enjoyed the reference to Asmodeus and Medusa and that kind of shit, I was interested in that stuff bigtime earlier in my life... It was a clever little piece, some of the rhymes I have to say appeared rather forced and unnatural, they didn't always seem to continue your piece's emotion and story... but it went along nicely to its own rhythm and you did a good job of telling your story, despite sometimes going off into tangents. nice read.

Appreciated.
Leave links, cats.

Hey man...nice job :)

I really liked the wording you chose for this piece, really big for me and you did a great job. I also liked the bit of emotion in it, not too much, cause you don't want us crying lol. But it was great story, maybe a little bit of a played topic, but really good work with it man. I like the way you changed the scheme at the end too. I will say this last thing, the one thing that really works for you is the tightness of lines, really close in meter and the fact that you have great wording helps you out, like I said before. Great piece man.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=328139

I Gotta Say..


This Was Very Good :kid:

The whole entire Thing was very dope, the emotion w/ the flow, went very well, and all of the words, to how his life wasn't that well, and that his girl, was his only sunshine, even though she kinda messed up and everything, was very discriptive, and hot. This was a very very good read, almost an Hof piece. But idunno yet, i'm looking for pieces to vote into the Hof, and so far, this is in the running for it[i know i'm stupid]. But anyways, This was a very interesting read, everything was on q, and on task, Everything was pretty dope, keep up good work.

man this guy went through hell for this chick. he stayed holding the rose no matter what problems came his way. just to come home and find his girl with somebody elses naked together. im impressed.. cuz you did good work on this piece. it flowed nice & smooth bar after bar. overall this was a very creative drop. your vocabulary, metaphors, multis.... blew it up and made a nice complex structure. the emotion... all in all... this definitely was interesting. and you did a great job, man... ima give this a 9.8/10

Misah want more feed-back.