An Endless Divorce

An Endless Divorce
By - Nash

what have you thought up?
just take that and think down
because no matter the lust,
a married man does frown!
give you love ..I ask how?
you know everything revolves
while you're stranded
dead center ..
I'm just dead in the center
your heart aches; no longer
feeling what you use to feel
this life no longer fits me ..
so I search for my next suit
reeling tapes to find the real!
every ship relates it’s typical
feel; biblical belief concealed
yet I memorized Corinthians
with open eyes.. just so I
could close them every time
and hold a book with open hand
maybe learn to cross my fingers
just in case this fling doesn't
meet its own demand; suit up
because it's time ..
have some kids by the by
just to pay your money out -
why of course!
the bride is coming, men!
get ready for your walk in life
it's called an endless divorce

To be honest I read the title and immediatly thought this was going to be some cliche bullshit. Well, how wrong was I? It was an easy read, and not easy as in the complexity, but as the interest it sparked. I saw humor, whether it was intentional or not I don't know.

"the bride is coming, men!
get ready for your walk in life
it's called an endless divorce"

Thats humorous to me.

But the reality, as a man made me love this piece. If any man wrote down his thoughts on marriage and or any relationship, he'd come up with something similar, and yet we never get pieces like theis anymore.

This piece was cool, i feel like you showed some good views but you could do more to strengthen your imagery and to reinforce the emotion in your piece. I think the brevity of the lines were definitely a detriment, the piece itself seemed as if it was a first draft. If i were you i'd flesh out the content a bit more, conciseness isn't a bad thing but when you aren't getting your point across it hurts.

I consider it a bit much to PM me asking me to feed, but because i haven't critiqued your work before i obliged. Next time, i hope you'll leave me to my own personal interest to read and respond to your pieces tho, 1luv.

lol, appreciate it ;), yeah it was more of a quick write up than anything ..and i apologize for resorting to that, but i had to drag your attention to me now so maybe you'd even glance at my further pieces! get the drift? anyways, thanks both of you.

^Understand the approach and appreciate the forwardness. You should make it a one time thing, but i'm glad i peeped.

didn't really like it. it seemed a bit lackluster, although i can see how that would fit in. I get a bit of of a sense of cynical sarcasm in this. I think you could've fixed it up to read a bit better, the language needed some work. Not much to dig through. This reminds me of poems I wrote just to vent. Maybe this was the case. keep at it