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Some people say lifes treasure is wortt your while. I say stop living in denile. Things don't do much but sit in one spot with a shining smile.OUr lives are worth more the people know. We are strong and willing, going on for miles. Our lives should be charished 'n' blessed. It's sad how people make there lives such a mess. people shouldn't really live for pleasure. They need to know Life is our only real Treasure.
ok man i got a few pointers here
1.sort your structure out so it's easier to follow ''line for line'' is usually best
2.the message you were tryin to put across was deep but you should ''go deeper''
3.make your piece longer ''worth reading''
4.if this is a mess around thread then fuck whoever wrote it, if not i am sorry for my insolense and i promise not to do it again:)
this was all in all an Ok piece needs a lot of work though
good luck from now on:)