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Gone.
Mind filled with pain, these problems are disturbing
Burning inside, turning into a ride, while i'm learning
About life, difficulty along the way, welcoming me to reality
First thought of it is considered to be a tragety
Paranoid and insane, another defect in the brain
Veins poppin out, shadowing anger being contained
In this world of mine it ain't the same, all it does is change
I despise it, i can't hide it, it's the real thing so i can't disguise it
Saying goodbyes as a run away from home, alone, very bittersweet
Living on the street, 6 Miles from my house, no shoes on my feet
Left them back at home and nothing will make me have to go back
And i know that, won't be scared if the night turns coal black
I won't show my fears, i got to fight through the difficult times
I must Fight through the crimes, rhymes, and chimes
And sometimes i take the time of mine just to find dimes
To buy cheap food, poor as fuck, i should have know better
To bring cash, and i should have know better to go at another time
Due to the snow weather, and the cold weather every night
Fright keeps me awake and i'm thinking now to go back home
That home, i remember, the one i loved, i hate being alone
So i will head back because i knew i wasn't ready to leave
So i'm going to pack up my act, breathe, and do what i wanted to do
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Re: Gone.
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Re: Gone.
this was pretty short but had some good imganation behind it, flowed well, decent vocab, well worder,good structure overall pretty good work just needed to be a bit longer 7.5/10
give me some critcism http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=326386
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Re: Gone.
This was an alright piece.
I think the storyline could have really been much more
developed and deeper, so this could've been better
as a longer piece, but it was pretty cool nonetheless.
I suggest you take a longer time writing next time.
Your flow was also a bit choppy once or twice
in the piece, so be careful of that.
But pretty good piece in all.
