trouble in paradise

... now i noe it aint the best on herre but this my #1 of puttin heart into it... this is deep to me... well herre it is...

the whole time growing up i always thought things wud b all good
i never thought things could go shaky, or ever would
wen did things start to crumble n perish beneath me
the memories are still there and can never flee
but the love, the smiles, the words seem so fake now
we had an unwritten agreement like family vows
to always love one another for who they are
and not to go too distant or to stray far
i thought everything would always be pleasant
but now we look at one another like the other is a peasant
mother... why can't you see the hurt in my eyes
you hide your feelings from me and put on a disguise
why do you choose to play this role
like your going to remember when things were under control
when my whole world was in your hands
soon i'll be all grown up and going to far off lands
will you wish you would have made it different
maybe blown your kisses a little harder as they got sent
but those kisses u sent with love never reached my skin
you caught em back before they went to far and threw em in the trash bin
father... i hate you and everything about you, anything
i never felt that special feeling of a cling
between you and me there was always nothing even in my youth
we just kept it hidden so we both wouldn't have to face the truth
i know it must have been hard to tell a kid you wouldn't be around
so you thought it would be easier to take off without a sound
those words are false to be honest, because you were never there
even in the beginning as much as it hurts to bare
i hate you for not being a role model, a support system, a father
but why do i reminise and think about things that will never be... why bother
grandfather... i love you more than words can say
and i dont know what i'd do without in my days
but theres something i have to announce to you
you think u have knowledge and think you know best too
but the truth is, you don't... because you have tried to forget the past
you have tried to forget your wife who was passed
i know it hurts more than a pain i could ever guess of
but just remember shes doing good, up in the sky among the doves
but you have also tried to shade the present
before in the future its what you resent
your son is dying and your not going to say bye...
because of a dumb feud, you'll end up asking yourself why?
why you let this go on and things ended bad
that he left this earth thinking you were mad
my uncle... i regret not spending your last days with you
i thought the skies were changing to blue
now we don't know if you have a month or a day left
your young life is being taken like its a theft
i wish these words i hear about you aren't true
but i noe i have to face the truth and stay strong for you
my niece and nephew... i pray things aren't like this for you as well
when you grow up and realize this world is somewhat like hell
theres backstabbers and liars in each lil valley
and notorious men waiting in every alley
brass urself for this world of confused emotions
of lost hope like a message in a bottle thats floating away in the oceans
there is hate on this messed planet but also love
so seize every day and take hold of...
capture every moment and hold it to captivate...
dont push the world away for you may regret
but you two are still so young so dont fret
my auntie... your the heart and soul of our family
your the glue that keeps us from the flee
your an amazing woman and my #1 idol
your the reason i'd never go suicidal
jus as u wud b sad for me... i'd die without you
so stay as amazing as you are and always stay true
... beneath all these words i have said to you all
i noe the important ones are behind me and people i could go to to bawl
our love is thicker than blood, and i hope you never cross me out
i hope our love never diminishes and you love me without a doubt
cuz i'll always be representing the stones!
even when i am gone, lying in my coffin, jus a pile of bones


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...75#post5481575

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...85#post5481585

Bump!!!!

ccch i post one that i put alot of heart into n get no comments... but i post one that i only put a half ass job into n u guys all comment=S

damn...get a tissue

does the cry baby want a bottle??? a big ol' dirt bottle?

Stfu^

This was decent, alot better than your last, I respect you put your heart into it but there we're still alot of flaws, Your grammar was one, It threw me off at times and alot of readers don't like to read shit with bad grammar. Your flow was forced at times and that threw it off also, But on the good side, you kept going and didn't care about how long it was which is always good from a writer, you did have alot of filler and not really stuck to the story, and I could feel the emotion in this, good job, keep up.

i stuck to the story=S... n ya i noe i have bad grammar but meh... i dont how my flow was forced but ook... thnx...
n ya i agree... person stfu