Wearing The World

1st Topical Ever
A Murderers Diary Pt. 1; Wearing The World
The Story Of Edward Gein

http://www.fortunecity.com/roswell/s...r/273/gein.jpg

Brother.
Mother.
Father.

Lonesome childhood; abandoned, death overlooking grief
Glancing upon pictures of the three, beams of disbelief
Securely a physcho, wishing death upon all opponents
Abruptly flung into solitary, Mourning on family moments
Enclosing his moms sanctuary, accessing the upstairs hardly
Presence in those sections; Leaves an image so scarring
Fleeing to the shed, transfroming it into his own
Shutting down the farm; Desserting his home
Excess time dileberated upon novels of nazi, cruel camps
Studies of anatomy also piled through out the ghouls shack
Horomones active, Dreams of the spouse he wanted bad
Until an idea was thought out; Newspaper unfolded in hand
Skimming town catastrophes, got a glimpse of the end
For an older woman, And contacted the help of a friend
'Medical purposes' were the stated reason; Incredible lie
Gus Volunteeringly accepted the request, Waiting for night
The victims grave Was located a dozen feet from his mother
They became infamous grave robbers, Distinct from all the others


A horrid 10 years of bizzare experiments; bones and skin
Worn and eaten; Organs overtook the fridge
Necrophilia commited upon seperate bodies throught days
Even took the time to dig his own mothers grave
Secrets kept; not telling gus his growing desiration
To become a woman; Fore seeing an operation
Sex change; dissecting woman, attempt to familiarise him
Closest was dress up; complete with a mask, breasts and skin
Growing trophy collection; same as his experimentation and obsession
Fantasizing fresher corpses, murder slowly became his profeesion

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...16#post5473116

Not bad. It seems.... unfinished. Like, there's more to tell. What happened to him? I mean, I know what happened to him, but I'm saying, the place you ended this story maybe was a bit ill chosen... since he was eventually caught... but you kind of left it at him being a murderer. The thing about this piece is you never really tried to get into his head at all, and take the story more in depth by maybe playing out a murder scene or body hacking scene in his head and what he is thinking about it all. But, those are just some thoughts on content. The flow was good sometimes, not in others, I think it was just that sometimes you chose words with a lot of syllables that really cut into your rhythm on some lines since they were poorly placed... But it's a topical, so if its your first like ur saying, which is weird since you have like 2200 posts, I guess a lot of times flow gets sacrificed for the story itself. Overall, not bad, I expected a lot less from someone with the name "wyte boy," some dumb wannabe gangster shit or something, but this was pretty decent and a good enough topic choice to engage the reader.

Thank you,
i get what ur saying about the ending,
And i didnt really wanna write a book about him.
Since EVERYONE already knows.
but the planning on the murders i liked.
i`ll have to try something like that later after a few topicals.
But this is my first,
and thank u for the feed. much apreciated

I thought it was good, could of had a better variety of words for detail to make it more alive. I didn't find reading it boreing at all & to me that is the most important thing, being interesting. Nice peice.

you're short a link..

creative. the whole idea behind this was metaphorical at the end of the om. wearing the world, while trying to become a woman. Gein seemed all about the nazi camps, murder and described horror of those experimentations in his lab(shack). his novel writings, you touched base on what he did and i realize this is only the first entry, but it left me wanting more description or justly action behind his persistance, you needed to get into his shoes and emotion. that would have made this om a keeper. great imagery tho. the flow was a little on-edge with the rhyme skeme that wasnt smooth as the story was. keep them drops hot famz.

the imagery coulda been slighty better dog....more vocab woulda helped plus I found the flow to be a bit choppy here and there...overall it was still a pleasent read.

good drop

check out ya boy