The Clearest of Nights

"There is no remedy for love but to love more."
-Henry David Thoreau

To my surprise…I kind of cried when finally the time arrived
…watched the coffin close, and quietly sighed goodbye
The good go young, so, the Reaper’s highly biased
…but who am I to decide when the time to die is...?
Truthfully … there wasn’t much room for me at the funeral
…didn’t need to be reminded the corpse used to be beautiful
Now in its newest state … bruised and rudely glued in place
…gruesome, body sloppily draped. God I rue the day…
Calmly drew away at the ceremony’s conclusion
…secluded in a clueless stupor … lonely confusion
Only illusions enclose me, this isn’t life it’s a clone of it
…couldn’t go home now and knew it so I just roamed a bit
Soul resists to fold to the momentum meant to hold me back,
…at my old cul-de-sac, memories of stroller straps
buckled brother safely. My mother kept our home in tact
…rode us on her back which almost made her swollen shoulders crack

Know that, it kills me to wander here, though I choose to do it
but in a way its soothing so I’ll view it till the noose is loosened

I used to use this park as a safe haven to let it out
In darker days, came this way to erase hatred and settle down
Now as I pass it by, I’ve half a mind to climb the slide again
Little Billy’s sitting in the swing I holler “hi” to him
Yelled his name again … he was always a friend that listened
but now he doesn’t hear me…I remember my condition
Swiftly the vision vanishes, of Billy’s hooded body
It was the, clearest of nights…but still he couldn’t spot me
Further now I travel as a blur without a shadow
The train tracks ahead were once important, now they’re hallowed
They represent adventure to parental dissenters
Children who felt rebellious and rejected every mentor
I felt compelled to propel down, like we did as kids
Set a penny on the tracks, sit and watch it hit
On the lip of the rail- Hold it, no, not tonight.
Last time I was that dumb the locomotive stole my life...

The other world can wait, excuse me for my lateness
…haunting my old block as ghost … Satan be patient

…This pain that I face is deep, but I’m none to lay in peace
Attending my own funeral was humbling to say the least
…made me need to lurk long as they let me and allow it
and I got to hum in rhythm as the requiem resounded
…Just ahead the junior high, I’m back at Lue and Pine
Those crossroads lost hope…with the news I died
…These street lights seem dimmer than how they used to shine
My stupid mind makes me enter my house. Who’s inside?
…Just my father …he’s weeping … so he loved me
My sister’s on the sofa sleeping with a photo of me
…Now hopeless my mouth opens, almost call her name
Tell them I’m the one where they should focus all the blame
…I have to rely on tears, just to tell my little story
Tried to escape for years, now I’m mad I left it prematurely
…Think I’ve had enough, my fight is steadily fading
I close my broken home… the cemetery’s waiting

Full circle, the soils soft still, wave to the town
…”Here lies-“…me…I phase into the ground…

Feedback links shall go here:

1. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5472794
2. http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...24#post5472824

By the way the quote at the top is a topic, because this is a piece I did for a tourney.

wow....That is an increadile piece. Imagary - very present. Wording - all there. Damn, it even seemed like a helluva good storyline. You kept it a suspensefull, clever peice by initially eluding the fact that this was "your" funeral. I see little to no negatives aout this peice. Not to d/r or anything, man, but this is one of the best verses I've seen in a while. I'd rate that atleast a 9/10. Love to see some other material man, keep it up

Much appreciated.

.Up.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Brains

.Up.

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^^^^

I like omlets.

this was a nice piece here man you had nice lines and nice attempts at emotion and creativity. you soke with a fluent tongue and grabbed me from start to finished. i liked how you tried not ot munch a WHOLE idea into one section of the piece you wrote so props on you for that reason also homie. the content in your verse was nice and the vocab was allright could use some more work in that areas cus some areas seemed to vivid or raw for the line but its all good people learn form mistakes. the emotion is what i liked in here no doubt so props again man nice job and keep wiritng bruh..elevation is indeed a great feeling.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323948
^%^
hit that up in return bruh......

thanks.

Aight cool cool cool...I'll read your piece today most likely.

this was a great piece man. I'd break it down more for you, but I already left you feed on this over at rm. loved the piece though.

Oh aight that's you? Atticus I guess? Coo.

this was a real cool piece

the flow was eloquent and supported nicely with plenty of internals and multis, transitions were smooth, no choppiness

the short italicized call urging a return to death broke up the text nicely

this was a cool story, you being a ghost and all
i was a little unsure as to whether you returned after a suicide as you mentioned a broken home and trying to leave for years- but other than that slight uncertainty this piece was really brilliantly executed, one of the best OMs iv read this month

im considering nominating it for Hall of Fame

return the feed plz
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...11#post5478011

Thanks.
Yeah, I'm usually less vague but I went a different route this time.

I'll return the feed.