Temptations: Note by Note

Temptations: Note by Note

You’re tempted to leave…

Describe to me please, the definition of heartbreak
Singing to the trees, reason of treason, a heart ache
Mingle, to the jingle, with my girl, standing by me
Ranting, to the rant of the streets, no matter what I see
Chanting, to classics, told me their oldies, almost Jurassic
Pounding, around me, the echo of which is thoracic
Fact finding, fuck grinding, I’ll slow dance to bliss
Don’t mind me; I’m timing, the luck of a perfect kiss
Musical gods', moderation, needs to put in this generation
Lighting rod’s don’t attract as much as your old foundation

Sing to me, and please never stop…
…Ring the songs that cease to rock
To the top, on my block, to the park…
…Produce more love than Noah’s Ark

Raise, the rise of the unblind eyes, staring through time
Cage, the demise, of your talent, your voice, your mind
Singing with vocals, that could total Aretha’s voice box
My motto, is to model, a hand, that can stop a clock
Memorizing every dieing, glamorous song of yours
The corrupt erupted new wave of songs, generates a blur
Diving into your records, of record setting singles
Can't give me a single reason to not let my body tingle
I recognize your decade of ruling the musical world
As I realize my age wrecked the love of My Girl

Hip Hop took away…
…What used to be hip
We used to hop all day…
…Now we hop with a limp

Temptation to be patient, listening to what you wrote
The Temptations dazzled me singing each..note by note

…But I refuse to let you go

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5468034
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324904


upp.

upp.

This was impressive, I liked this. The first thing I noticed was the way you set it out, with the font & whatever, the way you produced it into text. I was really impressed & pleasently surprised by that, you have a good eye, thats the type of thing that makes me, if only me, want to read something. If you've taken the time to make it look right, surely people should take the time to read it right?
The feeling I got from this entire thing was it was wrote to be spoken, hence the broken up sentences & the continuity of the verses, the rhymescheme wasn't complex, it was simple, something you could both read & say out loud easily. I liked the first verse more because of some of the vocabulary used, certain attention-grabbing words & sentences, not taking anything away from the latter verse, but the first one got me wanting to read this more. I liked the way you changed the flow to split the piece up, too, that was nicely done. In all honesty, the storyline threw me a little, & I got quite confused at parts, a little work on the storytelling could work well, & a couple more multi's would help it flow a little better too, but it stood out as it did.


Overall, a fine piece to read, well-written,
Well done.

Good Luck, Mr. Christopher Goggins.
Return the feedback.

cool. pretty nice choice of words in this, the emotion was excedeing fa'sho. a bit more in-depth as i kept reading which kept my interest. the overall message about the rap game right now is a message thats been blatantly used over and over since nas' hip hop is dead. but you kept on this topic pretty well and i liked the little hooks that were added inbetween to spice things up. g'd drop

"Fact finding, fuck grinding, I’ll slow dance to bliss
Don’t mind me; I’m timing, the luck of a perfect kiss"

This was a tight line right here. I liked the structure of the verses and the message was good. This was a nice read all the way through.

this wasn't about hip hop now a days at all, I just added a few lines about it, its about The Temptations and remembering them.

thanks for feed

up.

upping.

uppn.

hmmm this was nice...

you had a special almost audio like flow going on... the topic however.. has been done a million times, and no offense but your take on it wasn't all that creative either, im not saying this was bad... just that its been done, however your wording and flow created a great peice, the emotion was strong (obviously) im not sure if this was from personal experience. usually it is with a peice like that... and i got respect for this one. great work its good to see some dope new heads.

Twix.

you mean an om about The Temptations has been done a million times...or about classical musicians?

thanks for feed tho.

Played topic dood, but other then that i enjoyed. This peice was pretty impresive from not knowing u were around. The emotion was awesome, The change between the stanzas, or the subject change was decent. I get the seperate topics now. imagery wasnt all that good, seeing how it felt like a personal thing, but this was still cool.

I Enjoyed, G.Job

Jesus christ thanks for the feed n all but this is about THE TEMPTATIONS, the classic group...nothing personal about my life...