Sky's The Limit.

As the minutes pass,
He draws on his notebook in his physics class.
They’re all taking a test, but he has finished fast.
Now his thought distorts looking thru the tinted glass.
Past the court towards the field of minted grass…
Still moist from the old sprinklers’ vintage splash.
His thinker’s voice is fast, as ideas are flashed before him.
And the choice to explore them…
Is only to contrast the boredom.
So as he starts to sort’em, he begins to really day dream…
About the different ways he can possibly make cream.
The first is a team,
Of course he’d be the highest paid & play quarterback.
He’d have it made…
The bitches, the endorsements… Yeah, all of that.
Or maybe…
He’d get called for tracks… & be a super producer for allllll the acts.
And leave Kanye & Timbo in limbo with his wall of plaques.
Or maybe…
He could become a rapper… with all that “Gun Clapper” yap, Or….
Maybe he can be an actor… And star in some of those hero flicks
Or a comedy with Joe Peci and get those Denero chips.
Or maybe, just maybe.. he can hit the lotto...
Live in a mansion and pop bottles in the gratto…
With a bunch of dimes and a lot of hot models…

“That would be hot yo!!”

He thought to himself, not knowing he spoke out loud
Or that the teacher heard him & kids turned around
And now, everyone stared at him like he was dumb
Since the test was over and the lecture'd begun
But he wasn’t done dreaming to realize it’s finished
So he continued to reach like the sky’s the limit
For a minute…
Till he was startled by a sound intended to be loud

And the teacher yelling:

“Pay attention!!! Get your head out of the clouds!!

Day Dreamer.
http://i138.photobucket.com/albums/q...ce001/skys.jpg

Ummmm... yeah

damn....i actually started to write somehting similar b4 while i was in school...not as vivid just scribblin boredom...but anyway this was hot...the imagery was off the wall, the flow was good as well as the rhymes themselves, i hate seein words that rhyme but the syllables dont match...you didnt have that, goodshit...
“That would be hot yo!!”

He thought to himself, not knowing he spoke out loud
Or that the teacher heard him & kids turned around
And now, everyone stared at him like he was dumb
Since the test was over and the lecture'd begun

^^^
best part IMO...i just liked how dude spoke outloud....the whole time you were in this day dream, from the start then in it, then how he got out of it....nice work

very solid drop

i like how you contrasted the title and protagonist's ambition with a kindof mundane, dull setting that everyone can relate to

you flow pretty smoothly throughout though it seemed a little choppier when you kept using or during the daydream(s)

you use some pretty clever transitions as the kid comes out of the daydream (hot yo sounds maybe a tad unrealistica little crude but it works) and especially revealing the picture you wrote your topic too-which seemed perfect for it

well done and if you could give some feed on the OM in my sig that'd rock

this was a good peice
havent seen anybody talk bout day dreamin and it was origanal vocab was a lil scetchy in some places but picked it up in others some emotion but not a lot
the rhymeskeme is good and the flow is good to

overall good :2thumb:

Thanks man. Appreciated.

This was a good piece. My favorite part was easily the beginning - you had a very natural word choice, which made it easy to read and cohesive. The content in the piece was good because it seemed to match the thoughts your character was having - it seemed like it could've been a dream. Not much more to say, it was interesting.

:thumbup:

I loved the idea and concept behind this. it's a very relatable topic, to which just about anyone can find a piece of themselves within. I liked how the flow, whether intended or not, was very light and airy. it almost created that bright blue sky and perfect picture-esk cloud puff atmosphere before we ever saw the image at the bottom. the only thing I didn't always like, was the uber casual language. I mean, it did fit the idea of being relaxed and low key.. but, at times the piece was a little higher intellectually than it was in some other parts. that inconsistancy was the only thing I didn't like about this. nice job man, overall I did enjoy this piece.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274

Thanks Feebs and Dov. Appreicated the feedback.

YOU FAGGOTS DISSAPOINT ME, RIDE SOME OTHER NIGGERS DICK... THERES A KEYWORD TO THIS REPLY

GET A FUCKIN GRIP, GET SOME BALLS AND A COUPLE RESPONSES CAUSE ALL OF YOUR SHIT IS NOT WORTH MY REPLY SO BAN ME SO I CAN FEEL JUSTIFIED SOMEONE ACTUALLY READ MY SHIT.....


THANKS YOU STUPID BASTARDS.....


now hopefully some innocent illiterate black soul will respond... oh wait i wont get banned niggers cant read....

best part about this thread 20 niggers are gonna respond with absolute hate and then im gonna wonder how they had the money to afford the internet unless your little black asses go to the library everyday.... oh wait stop you cant read why you be in the library.

peace...

not at all racist....
is there a reason i cant get away with this if chapelle can i should be able to....

Okayyyyyyy.... anyones else? besides people who are banned...lol

it was very good ive not seen this concept used before...it was also very good to read aswell....well done...

Thanks