Slow and steady: fatal decision

Sweat drips, from red lips, as his head dips
And slips, into one of those mad trips
Ten clips, a script, hid under his mattress
He‘s a mad man, serial killer in practice
Three buried in the back, one in the front
Fuck her, kill her, have more fun with her cunt
No son of the sun, he lives in the shade
Lives in a cage, a blockade of invisible rage
Dismay is his ray, his light in the night
Guided by fright, with his eye on a fight

Hollow shadows scale the streets at dawn
When light hits your lawn, this beast is gone

Fire in his eyes, a Michael Myers in disguise
Today is invincible, if tomorrow never dies
Write his rights, his beliefs and his worries
But don’t anger a man who’s lethally hurried
Streets are bleakly blurry, no meat here, it’s early
He continues to scurry, his mouth bleeding and furry
double vodka to numb the pain, he was dumb again
Tired and bored, from no fun in this funny game
Smoked too much dope, and bit a bit of his jaw
He needed fame, his eyes lit at the thought
But does fame, only come to killers we caught?
Nope, ‘Jack the Ripper‘, to villains he’s god

Funny things happen, life is a stand-up
He has a man, against the wall with his hand’s up
Thinking he’s mad tough, gripping his knife
Stabbing this man, in front of his kids and his wife
Soaked in blood made his way through the kitchen
Snagged on the back gate, he made a fatal decision
Cut off his top, and escaped with precision

Three days later the local papers are hailed
Story of the year, made for good sales
The killer rots in a cell, through fault of himself
DNA got him in jail
If he stayed slow and steady, he’d be home already
And not locked up for life and alone at twenty

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323172

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. This was pretty dope man, a good flow in tact with this one and I loved the multies in like the first four lines. The tommorow never dies line was pretty dope because it reminded me of James Bond, and the whole piece was just very dope man. I could picture someone grabbing their crotch and just rapping wit this script, and just a lyricist reciting this with a great flow. Good job.

pretty cool drop here

great flow for the most part, its kinda choppy for the first stanza but its kindof appropiate for the character your developing

overall very solid from that point out, the tommorow never dies bar was pretty dope

the one thing i was slightly dissapointed in was that after your intro i was expecting a much more hardened criminal as opposed to some Jack the Ripper fanboy- and thats probably undeservingly harsh from me

the conclusion wasn't super exciting but was a good wrap-up for an overall intriguing verse

if you could check out the OM in my sig that'd be awesome

up.

Upping.

not too shabby...lol..for real though...solid piece....i like tha imagery...tha wordplay and vocab were ill...tha story wasnt that original,ive heard pieces that are somewhat tha same..but it was delievered very nicely...flowed very well...not really any flaws in this piece aside form you need alittle more creativity....but thats not saying much seeing as this piece was ill either way...keep droppin tha hottness.~1~

Quick reply. Probably the best flow I've ever read from you :-D
Dope, kept me reading, as many people don't lately..
Props chico

Thanks people, appreciate it