God Brake This Cell.

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/2058/jail1pe.jpg
I cant see the outside lights any more
My nightmares scare me, leave me soar
A fuck toy, I've grown too weak to fight
Anal pains hurt to where I cry at night
I cant survive much longer in here jesus
Please god, answer me and free us
I've tasted enough blood in this cell
Please god, release me from this hell
My sins have been over paid for father
I've witnessed the crimes for slaughter
I'll sell my soul to you if you release me
Kill the pain and I'll love you, that easy

Please Save Me.

I have no family to live for and more
My wife died, son moved to Baltimore
I've grown sick of life so I guess I'll die
My father died in prison, trying to survive
Its like I'm following his footsteps again
My times just about come to a end
The men here decided to leave me alone
They know that it'll never take them home
My hours are falling short very fast
I've lost memories of my own past
And why didnt god brake this cell?
He knew that my life was already in hell

Thankyou For Not Saving Me.

Now I'll be exicuted for my sins
My hand was sewed to a pen
So before I die, I finish this letter
A death wish, for my son to be better
Better then his old man, then his dad
And better then the reasons I went to rehab
Jon Dagel, son; please forgive me
I thought your poetry was lovely
But I must die now, I cant change it
The rumors you heard, they were bullshit

I Hate My Life.

I really
Hate My Real Dad.

links are already there.

This was one fucking great ass song dude, I seriously think if you had a Album I would buy it, this is some real shit right here. Good job dude, I cannot find to much bad here, the simplicisity was part of the song so again I think this was one of your best jobs yet.

Thankyou.

upping.

yeah i likes this OM, it was pretty simple with simple language but i suppose thats all about the criminal he probably hasnt had much of an education so that all works, i liked how you set this out and it flowed really well

props for this

hmmm.. alot seems to remember dad's this time around
any ways......nice over all piece ,

i liked how you broke it into 3,
anxiouse to get out, and then gradually loosing hope ,...

flow was good, tho it started off a tad slow,
i like simplicity in work... and thats a good thing for me
tho your rhyme schem , mix it up a bit,
.............that would have made this more intresting

any ways...good drop , nice flow
and very nice read

stay up!

you did a real good job describing the change in thoughts of the prisoner in a long period of time-lending strength to an otherwise average storyline

your vocab and flow was pretty basic and
mixing up the line length and making it a little less predicatable would have considerably strengthened the piece

this is a aiight peice.i dont see why u could at least drop on this level in SS but this peice was ok. it had ok vocab. nothing great but ok. the flow was good. the skeme was ok it was basic in parts but it was good enough to keep me reading. the emotion was the strongest point in this peice. the message u were spitting was good...the topic was a bit played but u brought a new veiw to it. this was overall a good peice.

RTF

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324399
RTF..... thank you

yo b i like this peice, it was pretty damn good. i like the skeme wit the 3 different parts made into it, vocab was good and so was the flow, from the beggining it made me want to read more of it and it also had a lot of emotion in it

overall. good peice :2thumb:

Thakyou guys..

Its a true peice about my real father. Who's been in jail since I was born. Never met him, never talked to him. I sent him poetry but he never wrote back.

damn thats fucked up homie.

hit the sig.

Will Do.

Maaaan, you know we're e-buddies but I wasn't really seeing anything important coming from this.

I mean, it wasn't a bad piece, Ive seen far worse, but I guess its age & inexperience, you write so simple. More, & Baltimore, you need to explain things like that if you're gonna use them. Im not gonna hate on this piece at all, because I know you're young & it shows talent that you made it look presentable & wrote with a topic & stayed on it throughout, it just lacked in essential areas. I'll help you out with what I can, you'll be a lot better soon :)