A corpse follows

my corpse,

chasing doom, with a face of gloom
the heart you think beats in a rhythmn can change its tune
adrenalin becomes dangerous soon, unknowin agents loom
blood vessels stain the flume, & all our actions are still in vein
& feelings came, my mind contorts to the point you'd feel insane
both of us kneel the same, my counterpart, in appealing fame
as i wait along a sunset for you to die again and steal the pain
massive reflection, live alone, or face natural selection
but limitation doesnt exist ina quest to answer all questions
get stepped in, or the soot's climbed, ina hood of crime
whats after death? truth is, your guess is as good as mine
reincarnation applies time & time again, wat will patience imply?
'makes me rise to the occasion, before my dedication dies
i plan on redeamin more, death is just a long dream of course
so why do ppl spend what they try so hard finding a meaning for?
bleeding flaws, then again the importance is irrelevant,
when morality is based on what heaven or hell is ment
creativity thru history, & truelly its shaken son
so if there is one central god, its you, for making one
..
follow me, my corpse
from a rode leadin nowhere, to my casket deep
follow me, by force, or deeds done dasterdly
fighting for a future, I wont lose the battle
as a corpse follows me... creeping as my shadow

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324132
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...10#post5450710

Hmmm...thats very strange. Im very confused maybe you couldn't explain whats going on. But besides the fact that im really lost even though I've read it like 3 times Its has good vocabulary and ar nice constant rhyme scheme, and Im sure theres something really deep about death or something in this work but I can't figure it out.

wow, this was preetyy dam good stuff, i like how u used words in word form, and i like how u used nice stuff.

i was on that poetical tip...but yeah it dealt with death, ideas after death, and i was referring to my corpse as my shadow... metaphorically of course

yo bobo.this had some dope audio type flow f'sho.like this a nic esong. i liked the m- rhyme chains and ting the content had its deep point for real. and probaly some narrow-minded people won't be able to fathom the plot. but it's a simple thing for me to see. verging on the spiritual emotional type ish.so yeah this was a short but informative and diverse sort of piece .NOT the usual commercial bull that weakens the game to death/


so yeah props on this
and goodbte. maybe i see you on another or something in the future. coz im outta RB


pz tho

1

nice drop.. I've actually never seen anything from you before, but this was cool. clearly very grounded in poetic technique with the use of thick metaphor for description and emotional purposes. at times, your flow felt like it was seriously teetering on the brink of crumbling.. but it would always pick itself back up and maintain. that element of unpredictability was interesting. I loved the witty little lines, like the one regarding heart beats and changing tunes. stuff like that just gets to me. very cool vibe, I liked this overall.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=324274

Alright a few things good and bad

Good: The message was somewhat okay, you kept well to the subject so I liked that.

BAD: You didn't rhyme much, I barely knew what the hell was going on, and even worse I hate trouble trying to figure out what the hell you were saying, you need alot better Grammar in these.

i know ninja and dov got what i was getting at, ill return that feed asap. thnx yall

uppin...

not trying to offend anyone with my technical breakdowns- this was an enjoyable read and i didnt spend enough time talking about the best parts

reincarnation applies time & time again, wat will patience imply?
'makes me rise to the occasion, before my dedication dies
i plan on redeamin more, death is just a long dream of course
so why do ppl spend what they try so hard finding a meaning for?
bleeding flaws, then again the importance is irrelevant,
when morality is based on what heaven or hell is ment
creativity thru history, & truelly its shaken son
so if there is one central god, its you, for making one

great voice and flow through this section

i struggled with the corpse/shadow metaphor which i didnt feel was developed to its fullest and didnt seem too tied into what i consider the strongest part of your piece but it is a testament to the strength of your writing to voice such a specific criticism

looking forward to your next drop

...

my corpse,

chasing doom, with a face of gloom
the heart you think beats in a rhythmn can change its tune
adrenalin becomes dangerous soon, unknowin agents loom
thats a good opening line shoes your poetic side real quick
blood vessels stain the flume, & all our actions are still in vein
& feelings came, my mind contorts to the point you'd feel insane
both of us kneel the same, my counterpart, in appealing fame
as i wait along a sunset for you to die again and steal the pain
damn this is just better and better as you go on pure ill
massive reflection, live alone, or face natural selection
but limitation doesnt exist ina quest to answer all questions
natural selection bit was good im still ikin the concepts
get stepped in, or the soot's climbed, ina hood of crime
whats after death? truth is, your guess is as good as mine
reincarnation applies time & time again, wat will patience imply?
'makes me rise to the occasion, before my dedication dies
this is extremely sick..damn i dont know if i can measure up with this site
i plan on redeamin more, death is just a long dream of course
so why do ppl spend what they try so hard finding a meaning for?
[b]i dnno, why? lol but your keeping your flow on and wanting us reading more[b]
bleeding flaws, then again the importance is irrelevant,
when morality is based on what heaven or hell is ment
perfect flow youve kept it strong its good
creativity thru history, & truelly its shaken son
so if there is one central god, its you, for making one
nice nice this whole concept is sick
..
follow me, my corpse
from a rode leadin nowhere, to my casket deep
follow me, by force, or deeds done dasterdly
fighting for a future, I wont lose the battle
as a corpse follows me... creeping as my shadow

awsome this whole verse was sick and you stayed on flow and on topic the whole time, im new here but at other sties people will randomly go off topic..even i have, but props this whole verse was plain ill and you have lots of potential to become better but for now..your awsome

feed this... leave links.