I love Her.

It might seem like a lie, that she shines in my eyes
But I would die for her to live, for her to survive
Shes the key, to my heart and mind; to my lock
I would be shocked for her to go, for her to stop
For her to block my comments on myspace ..
.. for her to block my phonecalls and laugh at my face
It might seem impossible, but I've grown in love with her
I dream about her every night; leaving her as my dream girl
She stands at the hilltop of my world; leaving me alone
Sleeping alone, I've spent years upon my own
Sitting at home, wishing that we were together
I would cry her name out in the dark; cold weather
Preying to god that one night she would take me
As sad as it seems, she hasnt been there for me lately
But thats my fault, I never made my move and as a result
I've lost her half way through my childhood, and as a adult
I'll begin my mission now, to get her under my arms when shes cold
To love her until shes old then further, to love her with all my soul
And as it goes on, I love her; more then life itself
I love her, I love her like I used to love myself.

.. two links to have this reopened.

- Atty

Well this was sweet and all but it Really let me down. This wasnt that good at all, you came to plain and boring, your opener should be something that could stand out more to grab the readers and make them want to read a love piece, I do alot of pieces on love and as time goes by I've seen what readers want. You should come better with vocab on a love piece, it was to simple and it seemed like you were just aiming for flow. The emotion was decent, I could feel it which is the only thing that really kept me reading, This is one of your worst man...I hope everything goes well for you n her, i wish you the best of luck, keep up man.

Bell-

You know I love you, but man this was not good at all. I feel that you could've done so much more with this and dbesides the topic was played already, so you should've had an orginal twist or take on this IMHO. Besides the boring storyline, the vocab was really just blah. It didn't excite me. Only thing that really was cool about it was the fact that you had some imagery and emotion...the flow was decent, if that. I'd like to see you become more original with your topics. They all seem to have the same feel, with different wording. You've done better than this too, but you know how to fix it now. Keep it up...good try here!

-Mariah

This was soppy...not even romantic poetry/ryhmes showed more deperation than love or attraction. I really believe you should sit back and think of your situation...though you may feel that she's the one....and all...most of the time a person later realises that what he though was love was nothing more than physical lust or an infatuation with someone they begin to see as perfect..though you'll probably disagree with this now..you'll realise what i mean later on in life..onw that was my breif advice...about the piece...this wasn't impressive...i preferred your other pieces you were actually improving nicely and then this....really if you do want to express your feelings express them in a clever way don't use the usual cliches na mean. Anyhow, just carry on writing and all, stay up^.

I'm sorry guys, I got rushed in at like the last 6 lines. Power kept flickering. But thanks for the feedback and all.