Let Me Be..

Let Me Be..
Your shoulder to cry on
The pain that dies on
That relief that holds on
This memory that grows on
Those years that flew by
These tears that you deny
The air that flies high
The loved ones that died
The Reason you bleed
The pills that you need
The life needing freed
The insanity of greed
The equal to hate
The invertation of great
The people called late
The destiny of fate

Let Me Be..
The circle of people you trust
The bowl that holds jesus' bone rust
The reason that makes you fuss
This suicide that everyone does
That rain drop that falls on you
These trees that are as tall as you
Those animals that crawl on you
A pain that's stalled on you
This mind that helps you decide
Weather I'm worth your fuckin time
Or I'm another pain in the behind
Maybe I'm just a answer that came out fine

Let Me Be..
The end of your life
The way you survive
The control in your mind
The pause in all time
The gateway of hell
The entrence you dwell
The bars of your cell
The ring to your bell
The end of this peice
The rise and the ease
The heat of the freeze
The trainer of the beast
The cause of the effect
The hate of your respect
The dark of your prospect

Let Me Be Gone.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322257
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322503

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This was nice, some flaws thought that could easly be fixed in my eyes. the first 4 lines or so - the rhyming of on-on-on-on just doesnt really work in text, the second stanza you used - you-you-you-you which in my eyes is annoying and alot of people dont like to see. I wasnt really feeling how you made pretty much every line start with - The, it just got annoying. but It all came together and had a beautiful flow, maybe you couldve worked on some more improved vocab to make this piece have something to stand out. but it all rhymed very nice and came together with a very easy to follow structre, you just didnt come as hard as you couldve on such a played topic. But nice work, your elevating just maybe put some more effort in something like this. keep up.

cry on
dies on

holds on
grows on

falls on you
tall as you
crawl on you
stalled on you

They all rhymed, I wasnt just tying to rhyme the same word over and over. I rhymed different sentences. Just incase some one wanted me to explain.

This was a real breezy read Bellig, you were very focused on making the flow work and I appreciate it... made the read seem so brief which is what good writing is all about, not exhausting your reader but letting them seemlessly follow your writing without thinking of it as an effort of any kind. Nice job. The message here is kind of all over the place, it's like one of those songs that just keeps giving little brief descriptions of a broad scope of emotions of thoughts... never really got into any certain topic or message, it was a lot of small ones bundled together, but that's cool I can dig it. Again, my main point here is, you did a good job of writing this for the audience and keeping it well-done rhythmically.

thnks