Silence is Golden...

Why?

The Angels singing is silenced by their borken harps
And your cold shoulder then turns into a frozen heart
Bright blue eyes glaze...But inside it lies mostly dark
My heart thumps but hurts even worse when it broke apart
Your words ring...Then swallow your pride kneeling down
"I Love You Means Nothing", you said...
Then I crawl inside you...Tell me...Can you feel it now?
Your tears cry out and my heart pounds in my stomach
Yes...I hate your yelling but fear most the sound of nothing
"Everything will be ok," you tell me, "The worst will go"
I laught out loud...Why?...
As the saying goes actions speak louder than words you know

Earlier...
Walking out, I tried to kiss you...You turned your cheek
Well, it's always my fault, somethin' I finally learned this week
I tried to tell you I'd be back by late evening...You ignored me
"I can't take this shit anymore, Babe...
...Even the sex is boring!"
She grinned, but I didn't get what it meant until this second
"Sex is nothing for us anymore," another line of deception
'Cause when I came back home with my poker winnings
Some guy lied next to you in bed...
...Both of your clothes were missing
And after I had pulled the gun from my drawer...
I pointed it at that bastard and watched him run out the door
My hands were shaking and I looked at you naked
But your beautiful body did nothing...
...My hurt made me hate it

"It didn't mean anything," you insisted "I promise!"
"What about the flowers and the card lying next to the condoms?"
I cried...
I tried to seperate my mind from the rage my soul was in
The sound of the gun did nothing...But you can bet the bullet did
With a shovel I burried the lies that you told from the start
Silenced forever now in OUR yard...
Isn't it ironic? Your flesh can finally be as cold as your heart...

Good-Bye...

Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=322165
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321681

wow.. pleasently surprised by this piece. extremely poetic, which, I myself am always a fan of. the piece just had very clever and well thought out lines. a few places you battled yourself on tense, and that threw off a few things (My heart thumps but hurts even worse when it broke apart), but overall with the exception of the tense issues and a bit of awkward wording I felt like this was a very nice read; especially coming from a newer writer. I'll be looking forward to catching some more pieces by you, stay at it.

this was a real nice piece, real poetic, some descriptions were subtle but used in a nice language which never really never seemed forced or anything. As you grow into a writer you'll grow into better techniques, but this was a very good piece.

true peotry. it was unexpected cauze the title was simple and you a new person on the site. your incredible lines also suprised me. thats what i lack in, true peotry like yours. you opened up your verse really great with these lines.

The Angels singing is silenced by their borken harps
And your cold shoulder then turns into a frozen heart
Bright blue eyes glaze...But inside it lies mostly dark
My heart thumps but hurts even worse when it broke apart

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321025
^^
hit that up

this wasa nice piece man really well thoughts out and really eye catching bruh the conetn in this was witty amd the emotion was just down poured onto the whole thread man filled with nice wording aswell pleasently surprised by this drop here really mature and oetic and really vivbing with my likeness man really a nice drop..the metaphorswere good and the multies and syllable counts were dashing aswell man nice drop really a good piece right here keep it up man keep writing!

Wow As SNIC said this was very unexpected due to what he described the emotion had me an the way u just laid the word out there fit nice with catagory and setting it was a very mature piece and people would of tell becuz of ur rep not even beginning this was a nice start really I don't really read much poetry but this was a nice start for me by reading this piece...keep at it

Thanks all...

This is my first story type of piece...So the akward wording is due to usually writing the message around the rhyming...Now I'm trying to deliver better content first...Then the rhymes...

So thank you all...Get at me for collabs...

Anymore help?

Uppers...