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Try to Keep Up.
Fiddada-Fidda-Fa-Flow...
If I'm the color of white,
Light - By mother is right,
Like - By another is my tryin' brother tonight,
Trite matters that make me make the latter
Mistake- A flattered estate that's
In tatters.. I stay
No excuses scathed-
And pooch is from who is this bathed...
The budapest slave is a new
Order of Corridor's Knave-
Coroner's lame poisonous cave...
Boys in the plays, no girls,
We play em for swayin' in sleighs...
Santa approaches...
No enamour for my hope's plan for her---
The banter is
Glamorous Notions....
These phantom writ oceans...
No glow, Moon shows
These candle lit Corrosions...
I'm old sew but my plant is
To Grow, from These Potions...
Jack and the Beanstalk -
Sorta like that...
Ordered when Rap
Was a tour of four Orient Trap-
Gory and Sapped,
Energy stolen from a troll in Poriums's Trap...
Say this in scorn of my Sap...
Acorn is my clap, Leaf is my Envy-
Lend me your ears, countrymen,
I'm hungry when this is
a War without Sentry...
Horrible century, it's this
Deplorable meant-to-be
Prophecy...
It otta be us who
don't adjust and Probably...
The lust will be the bank's
New trust - The Lottery,,,
Roll the dice,
Farm the Organs Twice...
I'm enticed to explan
How we could splice and
Regain the Rights-
To say what we scream,
To think what we pray...
Is today just a dream?
And is it true what we say?
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Re: Try to Keep Up.
Hmm. This was an interesting read. It seems like you're just calling into question myths in our society in a very roundabout way....it's a strange writing style, swirling around what you're trying to say without ever really saying it until the end. Keeps the reader speculating. At the same time, sometimes your content just left me with question marks floating over my head...Which is fine, I guess, but clarity is always nice...like, it's possible to have clever extended metaphors with obscure references and still be clear with your message. Which I guess you were at the end. Sorry I'm rambling, I'm about to go to bed.
Your flow is cool, though the structure is weird because it's broken up into quasi lines but at the same time there are internal rhymes as strong as your end rhymes...so it messes with emphasis in the flow. Your multies were nice, I thought, and well placed and used...the budapest slave line was an interesting turn of phrase...all in all, your wording threw me off just enough to keep me interested.
Sorry for the weird, rambling feed, I'm tired as shit. Anyways, this was a pretty alright drop, I just think a universal clarity and aim in the writing would bring it up that next level. Good work, though, I enjoyed reading it.
Goodnight.
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Re: Try to Keep Up.
^uppin.
Give me Love. It's What I've Got.
Leave links for RTF.
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Re: Try to Keep Up.
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Re: Try to Keep Up.
this was a very diffrent style from you mr. ENGIVALE..though it was reallt creative and very surprising man nice job you stuck it out throught th e whole piece and dwelled nicely on your break man ..i liked your content of quotes here and there and sayings and shit and the fantasy you executed was just brilliant man... you shocked me no doubt man big time... you got this one with such emotion and content and vocab well together i aint even fuckin with it man nice job i liked it and the flow of it was fair man keep writing
RTF
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=321025
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Re: Try to Keep Up.
"Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.
I HAVE TO BE HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.
Reason: No Links.
-Brix."
