Good/Evil intentions

Two Wrongs Don't Make A Right.


Police Report, file No.12537:
This case, consists of a man, once a millionaire, who lost all of his money, due to thiefs working in the bank he placed it in. This type of case has been seen many times. But the main difference, is that this man took it straight to Bush, who refused to refund his money. So The man, high with vendetta, took the law in to his own hands. below is his journal, which tells his tale

Dear Journal,

My experiment started with a bang, and a shot
As alarms rang in the shop, with the wail of the cops
I ran, unable to stop, my feet led me to danger
Led me to an alley with a stranger, ‘Ali the strangler’
He announces his name, I don’t ask why
As I, look to the road, and see cops pass by
‘this is the last time’ I swear to myself, ‘this is my last test’
As Ali asks ‘ you new here?, you need somewhere to rest?’
I wonder and stress, what’s that concealed under his vest?
Anxiety crushes me, I stare to the wall, and mutter a ‘yes’

I wake up in a humid house, so dirty, I’m amazed
The clock ticks, every second, the same old sequence
Until it finally dies, and it’s batteries are replaced
akin to my life:
I’m not a nobody…..........nobody has a meaning
My fight for justice, left my mind blank and flustered
But how can these idiots put money in a bank, and trust it?
Amazed when their money disappears, well I warned you all
Now I’ll make you realise your fears, by doing something I call

Community Service

Rob a shop, hold the clerk at gun point, for society
And kill these men, Bush has sent to spy on me
Nobody can be trusted, nobody’s in the right
So I’m taking the life, of nobody…..tonight
Nobody is everyone who believes in the regime
You believe they can make peace? It’s not how it may seem

I creep silently towards the crammed shopping mall
And shout ‘don’t try to run, or I’ll drop you all’
Load my 9mm pistol, and fire in to the heavens
A man sneaks behind me, and refers to me with reverence
‘I agree with what you’re doing, I admire your plight
You want to get back at Bush? That’s fine and alright
But remember, before you do anything drastic tonight
No matter where you go in life…two wrongs don’t make a right’

I cry at this revelation, he hit the nail on the head, it’s true
I have become equal to these monsters, yes, equal to you

Just because life has fucked you over
and you’ve been dealt a joker
Doesn’t mean, you can flip the lid
And commit, just as big a sin

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...38#post5367638
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...64#post5368164

I like the theme. A "good guy" gets messed with and he comes back being a "bad" guy. I liked it. The first stanza was great. Great structure in it, and the rhymes were great. It made me imagine it in my head, you know? But the second part wasn't too great. The rest after that was pretty good though.

thanks

ooping :p

Good Concept here man...
I liked the theme, and it started off well...The Dialogue, or at least thoughts, didn't come off that smooth to me though...The flow was good, but in some spots was choppy...I can't really complain about too much, but there were a few typo's and stuff..although it may not seem like it, that takes away to the attractiveness of the piece..or at least it's that way to me though. but it was a good piece man, seen better, but I liked it..
PM me yo word.

thanks,up

Yea, this was cool. The story wasn't as developed as it could've been as far as portraying more about this man who was screwed by life. I felt like you should've focused more on how he deteriorated and chose to risk his life in response to Bush. Another thing is why Bush though? I don't even think Bush has control over that, lol, but yea, flow was cool. Story was cool. Should work on character development though, but nevertheless this was cool.

The Wordplay was incredible and flow was greatly smooth. The Imagenation here was ery creative and the Structre was nice and basic. The Creativty was great as wel. Emotion was deep. Keep writing man, I love you're work.

~Belligerant

RTF with one of my dope collabs.

meh.up

yeah peep this when you drop'd it just neva posted feed on it lol

Witness this was a completely well thoughtout drop and the concept was amazing, meh that was the topic i chose but couldn't really think of a complex and containing concept for me to take with it but this was beyond what i had in mind from the word choice to the vocabulary to the storyline to the metaphors props homie props i'll be back in SS after the break

Community Service

Rob a shop, hold the clerk at gun point, for society
And kill these men, Bush has sent to spy on me
Nobody can be trusted, nobody’s in the right
So I’m taking the life, of nobody…..tonight
Nobody is everyone who believes in the regime
You believe they can make peace? It’s not how it may seem

i liked this part the most don't kno why just did lmao

RTF if possible i got the link in my sig under scriptures i'll add more to it later on :love:

nice mechanical works,,,,nice delivery of text,good flow..good vocab,storyline had its good parts.could of been a lil mo twisted and sic i reckon in the entertainment and imagery section......but did have some good scenery all the same........and was smooth read..

soo all in all cool


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