A Secret Life..

A Secret Life..

Doesn't seem distraught,
He does everything wrong, except being caught,
At ease in thought,
Deceiving when the ring is off,
Fiending for anything,
Monogamous dreams are lossed,
His deeds should cost,
Cuz we've all witnessed the gimmick,
Where on the surface, the families sits as an image,
And underneath a pit full of vengance,
There's anger, deceit,
The playing field's heaviliy tainted,
With stained disbelief,
It vanquished as he,
Pleasurably drifts in his passion,
Where circumstances give,
And treachery lives in his actions,
His feeling is stagnant; Bullshit is his modeled attire,
And broken rules is what he'll always follow in spite of,
The sight of a liar;
.
.
Now his feelings are just shuffled remains,
As guilt appears through the mirrors,
Shadows, puddles of rain,
Try to muster the pain,
Exchange it with other objectives,
But his cover won't let him,
Because his other lover's suggestive,
Another perspective,
He always tries to swallow the fear,
Of seeing the face of his wife,
Being mauled by her tears,
Through all of the years,
For the kids, he'd keep their Mother intact,
By smothering facts and making sure he covered his tracks,
He'd discover, in fact,
That it'd appear to be so,
He'll jeopardize his life,
To sustain his years on the low,
It's piercing his soul,
To know, he can't control his attractions,
Molded over time,
Broken,
Yet solely established,
.
.
He goes on asking,
Why? His variety changed,
To a way of living,
That he knows society hates,
So he silently waits,
For the day to come,
To be normal to others,
And self-proclaimed as one.












You're Lost
Disturbed mentality
Never pretend to a love which you do not actually feel, for love is not ours to command.
Alan Watts

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319389

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319737

Its about time you came back. This forum’s relevance depends on writers like you. Anyways this was a dope piece for all the obvious reasons, your flow being the highlight of course (but then again what else is new). You know it’s crazy how your scheme, your flow, whatever is so sounded that it almost has a hypnotizing quality about it - what I mean is: sometimes I get so lost in your flow I forget what the hell your pieces are about…lol it’s funny but it’s true. But after going back and examining closely its obvious this piece is jammed pack with emotion and heart-felt content - which seems to be the hallmark of many of your verses.
You’re defiantly one of the dopest here….and this piece is just another testament to your consistency .


Pz

this wasa nice drop nique its nice to have you back onto the OM thread forum scene ya know... missed ya art. now here .. this piece right here... is a nice combination and show of great writing and show of creativity at first glance nah mean.. this was just ourely consistant and just greatly assorted in wording and vocab usage man.. the complexity speaks in its own form man really this was just a nice drop. the content of things and the perception of emotion was just vivid and pure man nice. i really liked this piece and it had all signs of a great writer.. you surely do hold and pose as one of the best writers on the site...

Pz.
RTF on untitled. link in the left side in my sig

Fab work, Nique. The story here was kinda "uh", but it didn't even matter, because the flow was so damn hype, that's what I love about your pieces is the attention you pay to flow. Also very good to see you back I can't wait to see you in SS it will make the competition all the more challenging to have a writer of your caliber back into it. Hopefully Bounce comes back after the Holiday break, too. Anyways, nice piece, never could lose interest, I saw you on the list on OM and had to take a peek and see what kind of shit you were into lately. Pretty cool, right up to Par.

Peace.

Let me guess, "You're Lost". Ahahaha, yea that was one of my topics. I'm using this for another storytelling league I'm in. My topics were Secret Life and all the other one's at the end basically, so yea, you being lossed caused it to work perfectly. Thanks man, I'll hit up your piece.

Pretty good drop here the structure was interesting first off. It caught me to the piece and kept me with a very nice flow and multies kept it smooth also. The vocab was nice and wasn't stressed and you used the right words in all the right places. The story was decent yet after reading it through twice, it really doesn't matter, the wordplay and emotion make it excellent.
There's really no particular lines I'd quote, it all just seems to flow together as a whole. Whats nice about it is, you didn't start out strong and get get weaker towards the end, you managed to keep a good tempo, flow and good wordplay throughout the entire piece. Overall, pretty good drop, Keep up.

And check out 'Battle of the Sexes' in my Sig. Thanks.

Nice piece. A little basic and short worked in a few spots but overall a dope piece cuz u can't ignore the wordplay and flow. it was basically as expected and didn't dissapoint. Keep up the work and hope to see some more of ur posts soon. -1- 5/10

this was a flowing peace of work man like ery ones said u flowed like fuck man ,

inspiration man inspiration

It was nice shit. Emotion felt and and people could relate to it. Had a smooth flow, kinda short - but sweet, got the point across. Stand out lines:

Through all of the years,
For the kids, he'd keep their Mother intact,
By smothering facts and making sure he covered his tracks

Nice imagery here. Good peace bud, keep at it.

Ty.

>.>' Could you RTF on the Collab in my sig (Battle of the Sexes) please ? Thank you.

Nice shit Nique, nice to see you writing again....and back in SS? anyway, I really liked this peice, it was really easy to read, which was amazing in itself because whenever I'm reading short lines, the flow usually falls off a lot, maybe that's just how I'm reading. But yea, story was the least impressive part of this, but still better than most can write. Imagery, emotion, rhyme scheme blah blah blah all perfect, not going to get into the technical stuff because you already know that it's as near to perfection as possible lol Dope shit, enjoyed the read. props

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...39#post5367639
^could do with a few lines.