Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
The Moon’s glows enclosed in caskets
So I stroll through zones of blackness
And roam through poems of passion
On the road to Rome it happen
http://www.athenasweb.com/img/SkelHorseDeath.jpg
I open the gates as Death approaches, followed by a swarm of locus
Cloaked in black and staff half broken, skull was cracked in fact eroded
Face was masked and lacked emotion, eyes bleed red like rats and roaches
He moved in such a placid motion, no devotion in his steed
Just floated by like tumble weeds, a ghost in fact I had just seen
For his horse was black as tea, perhaps has black as shadows seem
As shallow breeze wisped across me, as I strapped the saddle seam
To a near by tree and guided Death to the Castle’s feast
http://media01.cgchannel.com/images/.../5/fullimg.jpg
I dare not breath his potent airs that spun amongst the winds
His darkness hung with beastly snares in conjunction with his sins
We traveled through the orchard fields with every step the roses kneeled
As if to say goodnight, for every step he took in stride the roses would just die
Every plant was brunt to sod as if to match is cape and hood
His fingers look like rotten wood his sleeves a drooping thread
He pointed at the ravage dogs that stood amongst the ledge
http://cdn-42.cdn.buzznet.com/assets...6096690298.jpg
Their habits went from good to bad and even into threat
They barked aloud in savage styles
and massive growls at this creepy mess
He grasped his staff and split their breast exposing open chest
Their hearts were froze and flesh was cold by this touch of death
He took their souls so I suspect - though I never asked
I stopped a while to rest my feet, but Death was rather fast
Continued through the orchards and up the dusty steps
Entered through the forums and proceeded to the left
We heard the music loud and clear coming down the halls
The old castle had a lot of strengths but lacked it in the walls
The Ball was amidst us, but soon a sudden pause
The awes from the invites came from what they saw
But trouble did not lie in the image thus at all
http://images.hugi.is/blizzard/52520.jpg
For Death was pissed beyond believe - his jaws were dripping razor teeth
These people lay jeopardy , desperately some tried to flee
But never made it past their seats - they glared at he with grave struck eyes
As poison rains from Zeus’s skies inducing blazing strikes of light
Through window pains in muted aims lightning came in lucid flames
Ending human life - his handy tool sliced through fools
Who dare assume Christ would guided them through this room
And deliver them from doom - some people screamed in agony
As if they knew their paths would lead to Satan’s burning fumes
http://www.xbox365.com/gdb/images/Ep...calypse__4.jpg
But I did not morn a single one
For you see hell was formed from the evilness they bore
They were all of noble blood and rotten to the core
They gave a fuck about their subjects and only covet wealth
They played the people as if puppets and only loved themselves
So I felt no gilt a course as nature took its final course
I hoped upon my stagnant horse and headed east to Rome
http://iamfreeman.net/photo/special/...lood-cross.jpg
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
I realy liked your multis and I thought it had a neat flow, and the pics were cool (I liked the warcraft one!!) and it was real in depth. Only thing I have to say is that some words seemed like you just fit in their to rhyme-but other than that it was nice-keep it goin
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
the opener and first stanza was great. i felt the passion you mentioned, it flowed soooooo damn well. that first stanze had helluva emotion and imagery, and rolled riiight off the tongue. the second stanza wasnt so good. you continued the imagery and story pretty well, just the flow wasnt there, lack of emotion as well. wow that third stanza had me going the whole time. this was your best. the story is continued so well with the 'i suspect he took his soul - i didnt ask'. the imagery was superb as the other stanzas, but this stood out as the best. the fourth stanza was choppy. had some good parts, others not so well. imagery was a little off, not expressed very well...didnt like storyline at the end. the ending was mediocre. it started out great, but you didnt end on such a good note. without the few flaws in some of those stanzas this could of been legendary. other than that...very dope piece.
return feed...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319768
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
the imagery in this was cool and the emo was pretty strait
the story had a fresh spin on it due to your use of pictures
the multis were just all right for me they seemed a lil choppy
in places, i think you need to check your grammar as i saw
a couple of words that were used incorrectly, most likely
due to typo's , minor yes , but the made me stop and
check which stops the fluidity of the read=not good,
overall this was decent read and there were spots of
fire throughout this piece, keep rippin those scriptz
RTF hit the link ...peace
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
WOW...
LED nice job man really i liked this drop definatly... i was really stunned in your wordings in superb form man you really kicked your creative talent into 6th gear for this drop right here man really impressed.. your first stanza was a nice opener and it kept the smooth flow through the whole piece man really a nice mature drop from you man i was just deeply in touch with your piece man nice drop... your wordings and vocab were nicely used and the multies and metaphorical use was executed well man nice job
RTF on untitled link in my sig to the left
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
Good stuff.
Very descriptive. Imagery was on point and this was really, really, really gory. I really liked how you portrayed each picture so vividly, yet concise. And then I liked how you incorporated the content within in picture with the storyline. This was overall a technically sound piece. You've elevated (I mean, you were already good) a lot since the last drop I've read from you. You tweaked some parts of your writing. Still that flow is masterful though..good stuff.
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
Highlight the flow. This really stands out to me flow-wise, you really put a lot of effort into making the lines really mesh together. Nice job. The story was so cool cuz you just kept switching it to the pictures, I thought that was a real cool way to write for an OM, it obviously shows you put some effort into this. Oh - small note - font was cool too, LoL. Anyways man, good to see a piece from you this was hella creative and just plain well written, there's not much to qualm about here, really. Nice job.
Re: Weclome To My World: Justifiable Homicide
Fuckin' wow. This was dope man, dope indeed. First of all, the opener was amazing I knew right away I was reading something worthwhile. The flow was so smooth and just made the piece yet, you had adequate emotion too, enough to provide that the flow wasn't standing alone if you know what I mean. The pictures were moving and on point for the most part and like I said about the flow, multies were amazing. There were few hitches in the piece like, maybe a line or two were your count was off or maybe a word that seemed out of place here and there but that was minor. Your vocab was excellent and not over the top. My favorite part as I said is....
Quote:
I open the gates as Death approaches, followed by a swarm of locus
Cloaked in black and staff half broken, skull was cracked in fact eroded
Face was masked and lacked emotion, eyes bleed red like rats and roaches
He moved in such a placid motion, no devotion in his steed
Just floated by like tumble weeds, a ghost in fact I had just seen
For his horse was black as tea, perhaps has black as shadows seem
As shallow breeze wisped across me, as I strapped the saddle seam
To a near by tree and guided Death to the Castle’s feast
And this also...
Quote:
For Death was pissed beyond believe - his jaws were dripping razor teeth
These people lay jeopardy , desperately some tried to flee
But never made it past their seats - they glared at he with grave struck eyes
As poison rains from Zeus’s skies inducing blazing strikes of light
Through window pains in muted aims lightning came in lucid flames
Ending human life - his handy tool sliced through fools
Who dare assume Christ would guided them through this room
And deliver them from doom - some people screamed in agony
As if they knew their paths would lead to Satan’s burning fumes
And the opener was liked by me too, caught me to the piece. This was overall a very good piece worth Nom. Keep up man.
And check out 'Battle of the Sexes' in my sig. Thanks.
