couldnt B worse

if i can take a few words an explain the same way you feel
not mentioning any names but the shit im about ta say is for real

in the beging it was an interest, a gift
it was deliberate i guess,some one given a chance
i knew i was better than that, but
i promised i wouldnt quit.......forget the past
i cant say im sorry why would i ,why should i worrie
yould rather here that i died ..or ive been burried
beneth the pain..........
in your eyes all ive seen was hurt n" hate
just ta here you cry at night... set my record straight
so why do we continue to lie to each other
what is it we try to hide behind one another
im confused by your side i stood but now ive got
no other choice but....ta say......fuck....her...
for good..

No remorse no sorry just goodby
now you can feel my force
an you will live with the reasons ..why..

just a few lines its late
fuck -U-goodnight
OK'...craz-E-

no bad for a first post i guess. but in all honesty, read other verses before you post something like that up. put more thought into it aite. study better aite, got a lot to work on.

More than anything, the emotion in this piece kept it alive. You've got a good starting point there, but if you want to write something really dope, you have to, at the very least, work on some basic spelling homie. It makes your piece seem cheap if you use short forms all the time and misspell things. Show some pride in your piece! Spelling is sexy!

Furthermore, try to write so literally. I'm all for stating the facts, especially when outlining a situation like this, but use a few metaphors and similies, or some imagery to enrich the reading for the reader. After, that's the reason you post this shit right? So it'll be read!

If you keep posting here, I'll check in to see how you're doin dude.
Keep your head up.