Just Another Document

Just Another Document

Her whole existence gone without hate, loved in cared for in faith
and now she finds herself scared to face,
her parents opinions flared with flames
cuz what she doesnt know, only makes her wanna go
so far away she doesnt have to show
or reveal
the mistake she committed and how she feels
wheres the baby going to be placed? tears flowing for days
and her mind is just showing her ways,
to hide the problems she holds with disgrace
once a harvard bound lawyer, but now only feels misplaced
if she were to take care of the child, she could save her own cash
see how long doing it on her own lasts
while mending the heart broken by the guy that left to save his own ass
but she still has a problem in front of her
the fear of her parents being blunt to her
would stab like a knife through her heart and puncture her
and thats only one fear, there is plenty more
that frighten her enough to not wanna gone on with it anymore
and to think she would harm herself is almost unbelievable
but she's at the point where irrational almost seems reasonable
an idea conceivable, yet conceited too
she might not wanna believe it, true
but you CANT kill someone that doesnt have a chance to choose
and with that another stressful point enters her thoughts
letting the suicidal outlook center her plots
shakin her mentally, she's never ventured such spots
and believe its hurtin, the fear she owns kept rehearsin
'til she made a quick decision, before telling a single person



http://img1.imagetitan.com/img1/1/38/girl1328.jpg
Name: Janet A. Maria
Date of death: January 24th, 2004
Cause of death: Proficient bleeding from multiple self inflicted wounds on the wrists and throat, just below the atoms apple region.
Additional Information: She was carrying a child.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318830
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=319330

This is nice, man. I can see emotion showing through her, and you told a lot about this girl in one verse, too. Which is good. Some of the rhymes are nice, but some words don't go along and seems to mess up a flow it has. And better structure could be made, you know? Capitalizing this word or that word, but that just might be the way you type. This pretty good, though, nice work.

thanks for the feed.

up.

Why is this being slept on? anyways sad story man deep and dark emotion with imagery that was nicely showed in all parts of the peice good diction man, the vocab just wasn't that impressive though, although it doesn't have to be to get a point across...which you did very well and I respect you for that you did a fabulous job on doing so...keep dropping.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Synonym

Why is this being slept on? anyways sad story man deep and dark emotion with imagery that was nicely showed in all parts of the peice good diction man, the vocab just wasn't that impressive though, although it doesn't have to be to get a point across...which you did very well and I respect you for that you did a fabulous job on doing so...keep dropping.

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thank yous.

uppin.

uppin.

nice expression / emotion coming thru in this piece.... vocab was decent
could of been a bit more assorted in my opinion but worked well and flows nice all the same........ the end two lines seemed to drop off a little and could maybe be rewoked if say you wanted to record it , but all in all had a nice hitting rap flow and delivery so was a cool song indedd,just stopped a bit abruptly ya nah mean

pz1

Emotional, sad, cool little piece. Could have been amazing if you put a lot more effort into it.

Rhyme scheme was cool, structure is the only thing that upset me, you had SOME presentation throughout the piece, but it wasn't all over. Though, presentation isn't everything.

Cool name of story.


Overall good drop.

peace.

thanks for the feed from both of you.

the reason there wasnt that much effort is because i keyed it.

up.

uppin.

uppin.

this was very real, very vivid. didnt expect it to be that sad until i began reading a few lines, i'm not in a good mood so i didnt wanna see anything like this but ima give props where its due, this was a very good piece flow & imagery wise, only thing that through it off a bit was some of the wording, some words shouldnt have been used, and some words should have been replaced with another word to make it come across clearer, or sound better but overall i loved your flow, flow was the best thing about this piece, imagery was there as well but i felt as though the emotion could have been deeper than what you displayed but this was good as hell either way nicholas

Quote:

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Originally Posted by B.Nesse

this was very real, very vivid. didnt expect it to be that sad until i began reading a few lines, i'm not in a good mood so i didnt wanna see anything like this but ima give props where its due, this was a very good piece flow & imagery wise, only thing that through it off a bit was some of the wording, some words shouldnt have been used, and some words should have been replaced with another word to make it come across clearer, or sound better but overall i loved your flow, flow was the best thing about this piece, imagery was there as well but i felt as though the emotion could have been deeper than what you displayed but this was good as hell either way nicholas

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lmao @ nicholas...

right on for the feed.