Put the Muse to Use

“. . . I feel – a laugh coming on.”

Anomaly constrictor – jigs with
teeth and front molars dip low with
a suede ballroom dance. Black
suit sea – salty toilet water in a wine
glass. The table cloth is a compilation
of bloody aprons. Vomit sorbet. Hills
of blonde and valleys of brunette. Watch
yourself honey, they say I’m a daaaangerous
man. Seasoned creases with a comforting
seniority. The skin, it’s just so beautiful.
Tough meat, cleaving potential into a version
of eternity. It ain’t a walk in the park, but
it’ll do.

“. . . Don’t you want to live forever?”

The cute blonde shuffles into the bathroom,
and I need inspiration. This novel ain’t gonna
write itself. The broad is juggling an upset
stomach, no – she’s pregnant. Waltzing write
in, the freaky abnormal riff rides the jazzy
concerto the speakers blast with. It’s like
an oblong bass, a pitch deformation. Definite
setting. Loud music. Bathroom locks.

“C’mere sweetie.”

I grab her by the wrists. Her knuckles crack
open like eggs against the wall.

“Wha-what are you going to do?”

Shut up! SHUT UP! I need to write this
novel, DON’T screw it up for me.

Red meat. Rare in the center. I claw towards
the center. The screams are no match for the
disturbing sound of ripping flesh. A fetus
is visible. Miscarriage resumes.

I worked it up, hun. Thanks a lot, bye-bye.

She slumps; I don’t bother cleaning the mess.
Good legs. Nice little body. She got it.

Ripping out a steno pad as small as a diary
and a pen, I scribble down notes. The tape
recorder in my vest keeps ticking. 0456 –
0460.

A writer’s recipe is never pretty.

up.

WTF? you people are lazy.

up.

14154

Wow you upped this alot of times. Its a nice little idea here, I never really expected the ending at all which gave it an unpredictable air. I felt that the concept and the idea were carried out in full by the persona, the way you've written this makes him sound like a journalist, jotting down quick notes as a reminder, that was a nice take on things. I like the way some writers can mould the language to fit a personality, its quite a difficult thing to do, but I believe you had it here. He came accross as unfeeling, partially psychotic, and by the mention of 'meat' - brilliant metaphor by the way - almost cannibalistic. I don't really want to rip this apart by picking out the linguistics of everything, there was nothing structured about this piece really, but I think that added to the effect as it mirrored the abnormality of the persona's state of mind, the unpredictability of his character, and the shock-response ending. Yeah, I think you have something here, I noticed a few type-errors, 'fetus' should be 'foetus' for example, but nothing majorly wrong. I liked the use of the colloquial here and there, for example 'it ain't' and 'c'mere sweetie', it added a sense of realism and gave semantics to the character. Nice work.

If you find yourself with a spare five minutes, please leave a reply to my poem, it's entitled 'Two Brothers'. Thank you.

this wasa definite good piece man the story aswell just really carried the piece and the vocab just COMPLEXED it and made it more modern unique witha tweak in creativity with the structure and quotes. you have really been getting better and better with each drop you throw together man seriously this wasa nice piece man great drop and nice wording in my eyes... your story's in your writings is what gets me with your metaphorical emotion along with it man nice drop.

RTF on mildew of sweet love.