Brainstorm ... theres mushrooms on the wind

Brainstorm ... theres mushrooms on the wind

http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/6...boybycamp6.jpg

*eats 5g's of mush*

I've crossed lines with hostile minds
that constantly try to define the worlds design
I've climbed and lepped over rocks
to synchronize the sundial to my watch
stopped for a breather... the mind unravels
as i dig up something worth wile in the gravel...
the battle of the tugging sea
rubbing pearls till there pristine
I've seen... one too many deaths
gasped one too many breaths
cut my heart out...
just to take a load off my chest
yeah, you best believe what you see
cause I'm bending the breeze
to blow off all these fleas

please...

please...

let me be...
I've been climbing trees...
to escape the Japanese
these gunshots ripple the night
cascading blood cripples the fight
i wear my private uniform in private
desire something besides it...
n this cursed gun at my side i grip tight
i catch a sudden glimpse of a kite...

the park....

*reality shifts*

"Tyler... tyler..!
what are you talking about... you not at war that was 3 years ago
your at rotary peace park...
tyllllerrrrrrrr...."

Jon... im loosing it again... jon...

a dark lit hallway lays before me
a female voice...
constant echos scream "Tyler I'm sorry"
fuck this story... i hold my head in agony
is there anyone saving me?
"Jon... find that stone of bravery..."
how long i had i followed this misled perception
the deception crep'ed among my bones in sections
split up as the feeling seeped over strung body parts
serenity kicks in as the noise of a shotty starts
loss of seduction left me alone...
i can't bear the thought of walking solo in this zone

i woke up in the hospital embracing a headache
with my mom in the background screaming
"for Christ sake"
the doctors held her back... to my side my brother
blank white, we never met eyes with our mother
being the older he could have killed me
and responsibility is a tender subject see?
we shook hands... no eye contact
he had heard my minds track...
and from this day on we would never look back.

links in morning... im heaps tired.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318677
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=318615

woot woot... ill hit up some peices now.

goddamn, so random but the randomness was so FITTING! i love pieces like this. it's almost like it defy's every rule or boundary in writing but at the same time that's the point of the piece. the topic was creative, although i may have seen a few like it, THIS was a one of a kind written one. you did great man, REAL great.

enjoyed the read, especially the parts where it flashed back to where his body was and then went back to where his mind was. ending was a bit bland, but the piece was dope. i could see it all, stay writing twix!!

- Nash

Thanks cry^

rise.

this was such a nice and creative piece i was supposed to do that piece but i had no computer near me and i do all my sht on comp in a cafe' so i had no time and my girl was in the hospital cus of the baby so yea..
anyway's this was some what like what i was tryin to go for honestly, but you did such a nice randomness in it that just honestly made my piece look like crap man really... your vocab was just on point and the depth of emotion inputed and scheme was just deep and creative to a full extent man really nice job. the metaphors aswell brokedown spots so well man... nice!.

RTF on untitled link in my sig.

One more link?!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by D.H.Brixton

One more link?!

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don't rush the man... rofl just kidding... you know its comming.

I've read this a few times now and I still don't know exactly what to make of it. You've really been putting more attention to rhyme scheme and flow which was pretty well done in this. But in some areas I think the heavy flow took away from the overall meaning and story. The focus seemed to shift and be pretty random, though that helped this piece, matching the scatter brained take of the character. I would say this was probably a normal above average drop, and their is something subtle yet ambiguos about it that I can't exactly explain. I'll have to read some other recent stuff of yours to get a full view of where your at these days.

hakka hakka.