.. And then the Rain Spoke

.. And then the Rain Spoke
By: Nash


my honey.. you're gone forever, so long and goodbye
i poured out my heart, but the solution made you cry
right now i hope to die ..chest's slain and I'm broken
and i pray one day you realize;
"Angry words are lightly spoken"

- from peace, scornful stares, to ashes

so intimate, but hatred fuels the fire
what I felt was as velvet as your skin
stuck in the belt of my deepest desire
speak highly, do not neglect nor cringe
your respect is just around the corner
and our love lay stranded in a bend
each letter presses me; still I'm tense
and i can show you that you care
if I could see what I were up against

- pitter-patter, drip-drop, to a PLOP

only to break it's own fall atop a rose
it hits the sill, and time surely slows
a tear drop falls from yonder window
and down bricks of red another goes
what a mess; who can save me now?
the same pain as any game of love
yet to cope I STILL don't know how
and again I've had enough ..

- dribbles, harsh winds, mix with hard rain

"I hate you. I never want to see you
stay away and pack your shit.
it's funny when you finally see ME,
that I've had enough of it."

I have no gain to quit, and I have no point to stop
but the point of gain after all this luck, is soon to surely drop
hand in hand with love, your hate makes my mind choke
I thought we'd work this out.. and then the rain spoke

fuck you faggots. EVERY time i make a piece you fuckers shun it ..fuck you.

how about leaving feed on other people ish famo that just might help, the topic itself was pretty creative, ad your story line was pretty deep with nice and effective vocabulary your rhyme scheme fit this peace well, you had nice meta's , good job im sorry for not responding to your work because this right here is one of the best in an while, keep writting.

poetic work in sig please leave feed i'll rtf honestly

thats a good piece, i loved it

This wasn't too bad. It had a lot of potential to be taken above that more common standard. Where you restricted yourself I think was, in the use of meter. By using meter as a young writer, more so than making yourself look mature and talented, it limits your room for creative developement and in the end you shoot yourself in the foot. A lot of lines just could have use the slightest tweaking to make them so much more powerful, and I feel like you just went with a freeverse form, you could have discovered that your self. Not bad, just, work within less restrictive forms for a bit until you're truely comfortable in your own words.

cool, thanks.