Ex Cal Presents - [The Dove]

The Dove

http://img299.imageshack.us/img299/5528/doveas4.gif

“Brought To You By Ex Cal”




*………

One dark n’ weary night - Dim moon; Sky? stars n’ erie lights
Sittin’ there startled, Eyes teary, my heart gets really tight!
Hearin’ hard knocks I quickly hide n’ peek out the back window
But my vision is lost, between the strings of a black widow
Screaming! I grab pillows - hurriedly blockin’ the shutters,
Another knock? So I utter; softly; “Is it haunted I wonder?”
Gasping for air as my oxygen flutters, I’d move to the side
Behind the wooden dresser; I stood in the room with a knife
I started pacing back n’ forth on top of the crackling floor
Walkin’ rather fast as I heard another thump smack the door
I jumped back n’ roared!, … overwhelmed by evil feelings
Just then I yelled to myself; “WHAT the Hell?”………
As I noticed a peculiar shadow with a tail beneath the ceiling
Infront of the window I’ll see it better!, the light’ll glow,
One quick glimpse n’ I discover it’s feathers are white as snow
Standing there quitley still frozen no motion, occurred,
I start thinking; …… “All along this so called ghost was a bird?”
I begin rubbing my eyes, Trying to focus my nerves
A couple quick blinks and I realise though I was hurt!
Head spinning dome goin’ beserk - I try to gather control
Just then it dashes across the room, leaving feathers to float
It’s beak was Heavenly gold! A nice peck ready to strike
As it stood there staring… with these bright red devilish eyes
Calm and steady I reply; “Just take whatever you like!”
Still he sits there inactive, n’ just when I get ready to move
He opens his mouth n’ oddly says; “I have a message for you”
Frightened I ask; “A message for me?, You’re truly mistaken”
Wiseley he snaps: “Yes!, You will see sooner or later”
For a second, …… My face turns pale as a bucket.
So I strategically mutter; “May I ask where you came from?”
…….He paused for a minute then finally said;
“I was sent from an angel with passion and strange love”
Just jokin’ around I shout: “That of the name of?”
LENORE, He grunts! You were the man she had date, huh?
I fell to the ground - Tears in my eyes … Yelling out loud
“This must be some type of joke, Please tell me right now!”
Screaming! “Bird or Demon, Leave without words or speaking
And to never return, Please fly back ashore - I mean it!
Don’t knock on my door anymore stay out of the dark,
It’s all of your fault!, … So take this pain out of my heart”
But he sits there motionless just as sound as a statue
Well then if you won’t I’ll leave the castle now if I have to
But just then the light of the candle reflects off the bird
Displaying his shadow! - Next to a message with words
That reads; “Dear Edgar,… By now I’m in Heaven,
…….Far above the clouds looking down on a legend!
Feeling empty inside, Without you around I feel dreaded
So please come back to me before I drown in depression
*Signed with kisses and hugs* - Forever Lenore!!
Crying inside I grab the note n’ put it next to my heart
Placing it ontop of my soul, It shall be lifted never no more

The End.

P.S -This Story was inspired by one of my favorite poets; Edgar Allan Poe's: The Raven. As you can tell I sort of made it into my own version, So I Hope You Liked It.


Copyright © Ex Cal, All Rights Reserved

Links.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317082
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317213

This was a pretty nice take on the original. I like how you made it your own and put your own spin on it. The flow was pretty nice and kept me reading through. The only thing i can say that i didnt like is that some or ur word choices were a bit predictable.... but i guess that could be said for everyone's writing. Anyway, well done.

Yea, Was tryn hard to sorta to have his lil scheme. Good looks tho still uppin.

pretty solid piece here in general with good multis and flow

id say the first half was stronger in general

you used a lot of quotes and some of them prevented a smoother flow or sounded slightly unnatural

besides that though it was consistently well done, a interesting commemoratorive to poe's work and a decent read

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...51#post5304551

nice vocab and structure, stay up ..

Good looks, Still uppin - Don't forget to nominate it if you feel its worthy. Leave links I'll return the favor...

Still uppin.

damn, loved everything about this om, especially the multiz which helped master the imagery and flow of the actual event taking place, everything was very visual i didn't have a hard time picturing any of it. other than that, enjoyed the concept very much i recognize where you've gotten your technique from which is always a good thing, and it matched the Raven very well, i remember reading it junior year in high school...shit was pretty intense, i felt the whole mood and word choice within the entire piece, really nothing to complain about besides you can't beat the original but you did a damn good job either way....

h0ller

^^Good looks, Thanks for the feed mah.

Nice drop, it was well worth my read...both times.

Unlike alot of pieces with a story, this one stood out to me, it seems you went into the story deeper without forcing wordplay into it. It's like, the wordplay, came natural or something. Lol, if that makes sence. You had good vocab. and imagery was like...I was there. The multi's were pretty good, and I have to say I agree with the first half of the piece being better than the second half.

Quote:

---

One dark n’ weary night - Dim moon; Sky? stars n’ erie lights
Sittin’ there startled, Eyes teary, my heart gets really tight!
Hearin’ hard knocks I quickly hide n’ peek out the back window
But my vision is lost, between the strings of a black widow
Screaming! I grab pillows - hurriedly blockin’ the shutters,
Another knock? So I utter; softly; “Is it haunted I wonder?”
Gasping for air as my oxygen flutters, I’d move to the side
Behind the wooden dresser; I stood in the room with a knife
I started pacing back n’ forth on top of the crackling floor
Walkin’ rather fast as I heard another thump smack the door
I jumped back n’ roared!, … overwhelmed by evil feelings
Just then I yelled to myself; “WHAT the Hell?”………

---

Really, really, good open. Made me read the rest.

I haven't seen much of you around lately, then again, I am kinda new, so I'll be looking forward to your future pieces. Until then, keep up and keep writin'.


RTF on this please...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317358

more than a solid drop, impressed as always, and i too am a fan of Poe's writings, the imagry was just amazing so the emotion wasn't even an issue in this case pretty much an outstanding piece of work and spin on such an piece worth being nominated.....this will be my first piece i've ever nominated being as the storyline was made into your own and how the it all flowed fluently line after line props on this it was really worth the read.

i'll be droping a piece shortly and if you like i will still do the intro for you up to you tho

-xtreme malice

Chea, Good looks fam. Get @ me when you have time to make that intro.

off the hook kind ov shit right there...shit was hott..... i like this one cause it was very visual... i could actually visualize what was goin on in the verse.... very hott.... and it had a lot of emotion in it which caught me be surprise and he made it work and it worked out ...... u had a decent/ hard/ raw asss verse homie.... keep it up nice work...

Thanks alot, Still uppin. Leave links I'll return the favor.