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The Blind Eyes Closed
The Blind Eyes: Closed
Serpentine slivers slipped by zealous zealots
whilst a bitch is put on leash & raped by bigots
her hair is torn apart & hands try to rip her heart
pulled her legs apart only to fear then slip & dart
siren mourned her loss but grudgingly made its way
Another rape another day, with that another sway
& she fell away, tumbling unconscious to the ground
the blind eyes see nothing & the deaf ears hear no sound
I see nothing...I hear nothing & I understand nothing
Look hither & see me a mockery of human intelligence
The genes sliced strand by strand by your benevolence
Clandestine corpses are burnt in no man’s land, a band
Of banshees shriek with blood on their hand, black sand
Falls out of her black hand and she witnesses operations
A homemade female zip up, call it circumcision, elations
Congratulations, your daughter died from severe infection
Your tantric had treated HIV patients with the same injection
Forgot to clean it, So now you suffer tied hands tired & old
Triad of senses given, yet you chose to keep your eyes closed
I see nothing...I hear nothing & I understand nothing
A tiara of ignorance implanted on your head plus a rose filled bed
So that you can sleep light headed with the dead, his skin shred
Off lisps of benign germs slithering invisibly a clear betony blooms
Purple and blue all over your body, a polka dot given after shrooms
Sat in your boyfriends brain and left you beaten and broke
So you stabbed him in self defence or was it the coke
The coke made the world seem gold
......So why cry now with......
Your blind eyes closed
http://www.boston-catholic-journal.com/eyes-closed.jpg
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good piece, its obvious u know what ur doing and the image u want to be shown when ur writing.
Look forward to doin a piece with you one day.
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Another great piece from Baron...P...Your wording is fuckin dope....I wonder how you use the extensive vocab and then have it worded perfectly....WTF R-U a english professor..:o...yeah but this was a good read... the imagery was crazy and the topic was even doper.... your take on topic's are from a very creative standpoint I've began to notice...and the multi's ohhh....the multi's were consistant and didn't thorw the flow off one bit.... overall this was another great piece from yo P... good shit..
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dam, dope piece yo, i couldnt stop reading it and wanted so much more from it....good everything i'd rate it a 9 cuz u lacked originality yo..
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WEll thanks everyone i appreciate that.
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Ok, mate.. I was a little confused in parts with this. You made your point at the end of each stanza but for the previous 8-10 lines or so, it seemed like you were just rhyming for the sake of it. Or maybe it was clouded by metaphors. You had a nice concept going on but you just didn't execute it well. I.e. 3 different paths were just too vague for me to latch onto or to feel. Your rhyming has come a long way though.. internals were conection with multi's nice and your tarnsitions were also nice. But for the picture at the end, it was just too cheesy, lol. If you can't find a decent pic, just don't post it up man. Aside from that, this was a piece that with a little touching up, could be decent. Props. Check my latest, dude.
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Thanks i'll check out your no doubt...and yeah i wanted a pic but did this whilst at college so i couldn't resize any better one lol.
