The Future Presennts: Puppet Show!

The business world made me so the business world takes me
Violins playing silent hymns at the funeral of napolean
Surrounded by the black cubicles that molded him
Eroding him, his spirit, since he left the womb of youthfulness
And found himself in this land of useless, putrid gifts
He used to loved to frolic above the toxins
But something abruptly stopped this
He made pauses, in loving his moral duties
His scrutiny toward his future progeny
Was bottling because
He bottled them inside a spot of tea
He drank with the corporate queen
Because Happiness just takes some work
But most Postmortem's free
Dancing in a puppet life like "Morphine Me!"
Of course, he leaves, each day
He steps into his car and drives to Dunkin's
That turns off his Moral Guidance function
Only socializing with what his ten-minute lunch brings
That talking dust
That might ask where the bathrooms located
When he answers
He's without the jazz he fashioned his old days with
It's locked in his basement, another middleclass mannequin
Another germ, in terms, doing little fast with an expansion kit
He bought with the time he patched up with bandages
A ragdoll, climbing Jacob's Intern - All Ladder
Vicously pretending his person matters
Existence drowned out by the Ringmaster's blood-curdled laughter
A craft or a task, no matter the madness
He took the job and tried to cast it
And succeeded every time because he mastered
Being a crafter of genius business tactices & products
But behind the logistics that amassed in his conscience
He found his past in a locket, he wore on his atrium
A key to the home that was safe to him
A page of hymns, and memories, looked like ants from his Exec. firm
Once again he felt romantic texture
Titanic gestures
beckoned to go back before his family would lose him
and he knew it'd feel good to be human
But what he would feel soon, he'd know not, so fuck it
MEMORY FLUSHED
Now it feels good to be a robot, a puppet
Yeah, this world made me, so I guess this world takes me..


links'll be up at 4:00 PM.. sorry no time... pz

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post5288658

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post5292044

Aggghhhhh! Dope ass concept, but for me, you confused this piece toooo much. I'm reading, stop starting but also loving the way you write in so many parts. This could have been one of my many rare HOF nom's, but I felt that you just let it slip. Very good none the less.. Your use of rapid rhyming that a short follow up rhyme works well. Makes the flow get going, but then you'll try putting in some complex vocab' to jazz it up, and the syllabic flow will just cane the line and I'll have to start back reading. Anyways, mate.. dope the way you go with a piece, probably see you as champ of the ranks in SS soon. Props.

Thanks, up !

Fuuuuuuuuuuuucking looooved this man. I've been waiting for a piece like this, and I knew either you or Ledge would be the one to post it up. Brilliantly abstract, yet so very cohesive at the same time. Creative and original concept/approach- just everything that I love, as well as the standard requ.'s for a quality Om. A very Abst. style piece man... you just continue to reassure our decision to invite you along. You fit right in with us weirdos. Amazing piece- I added it to my HOF noms.

If you could,
Vietnano-Tech.

I was all over this one like white girls on NBA players...its just fantastic work...and this isnt no D/R cause you know...i reserve the right to keep it gangsta and all, but you got the skills...i tip my hat to your flow, i tip my hat to the way it was written...your structure was completely f'ed down(if f'ed up is bad...then f'ed down being its opposite just has to be good...simple logic)...anyway...im gushing...loved the ish man...good show...keep up the good work...check out my new joint "addiction is reallity" if you can...holla at me

Yea this was real good. I really liked your flow in this, really poetic and made the whole thing just be a nice smooth read. Maybe one or two awkward parts but was really well in that area. The whole concept behind this was done great. The way this whole piece was layed out it was like in a disguise and drenched in metaphores which was real nice. First read was really hard to grasp the full meaning but on a second take it really got me. It's hard to believe your only 13, I'd nom. it but it already has been. Keep writing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317025

Leave feed please

very confusing piece, but it also contrasts the life and death concept pretty well. being a puppet on lifes and deaths strings is what I GOT out of this. i dunno if that's what you wanted but it's what seemed to be going on for me. unless the metaphors are just too confusing and deep for me that i couldn't catch it. i liked the flow of the piece too and how rapidly it connected together. original and well written, seems to be a good quality in the OM forum lately ..good read

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=317022

thanks. ill reach for the links.

This gotta be the best open mic ive seen on rapbattles. And you're only 13? hell naww. u gotta be kiddin me. every thing about this was good so there is really no need for me to go in details. Only one thing. it seemed like u r lines were too short at times. besides that u killed it man. keep it up. ~1~