Drip, Thump, Skip.

…Drip
….Thump
…..Skip
……Thump

The blood flows, as your face glows through my mind
Only you know, I chase those feelings that I try to hide
Let me show this love is hard to find, & make you mine
Give you a rose, expose that we were meant to combine
Hope you won’t decline, even though it hasn’t been long
I scope for a sign, look for a reason, & try to begin strong
Want you along my side; that is where I plead you’ll stay
Belong as my bride; it will work fair, from the love we display

Drip
Thump
Skip
Thump

My heart skips a beat, as I wait for our lips to meet
I slip & start to retreat, this rate our love is concrete
Feels incomplete, our time is near, it’s built on trust
Yet so sweet, to find you here, no fear, just with lust
The time fly’s by, I wonder why, I don’t have you yet
Because I’m shy? You’ll deny? Or because we just met
Has been a week, we’re in love who would’ve knew
No matter the set, this love is true & this is where we start
I’m in love with you, us together I can clearly view,
And this my Queen…I promise this is coming from the heart

.....Drip
....Thump
…..Skip
……Silence.

The End.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...40#post5284540
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...48#post5284548

I don't are what others say i was feeling this,although I do think some things an be changed to make it flow more smoothly,imagery wasn't bad and your vocab was up to par this poem was an sweet smooth read kinda short I,not that complex you kept it simple would've liked it if you put a little more content in this,but overall compared to some of your better works I give it an 3.5.

7/10

Well, first off this piece was a better than your 'Dear Brandy' piece (I'm just comparing the two because they are both about chicks, Lol.). Your vocab was pretty good but the end words could have had a double rhyme in the stead of the one syllable words. I was really feeling this despite that, and transitions were pretty good. Internals and Meta's were pretty good too. Overall, nice piece, keep up. Check out 'For Tomorrow's Honor' when you have a chance.

Dj: this was another good drop..but nothing to different from your usual drops..ya structure and syllable count are usually the same and your wording is pretty basic...though it flowed well I still really didn't have that damn type of feeling which it seems your missing from most of your O-M's..I just think you need to strp up your vocab and try different things...not to create a different style but just to venture in new avenues.... overall this was still coo. though not hyour best..

hmm...upp.

This was an aight piece na mean...your visual presentation was more adventurous and well it was more aiethetically pleasing as well..your flow was aight stunted at times but overall it was aight na mean. Your concept/take was once again love, i think you should talk about other stuff like i've said countless times as love isn't a great topic in it's exclusivity. However, the main downside to this was one or 2 lines were forced and that's were the flow got patchy. like i've said before try and keep your wording natural and don't write for the rhyme but let it naturally slide in the lines.
Overall, this was a good effortand you should now branch off or explore other concepts.

Some Comments
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316128

Thanks.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Baron P. Mortuus

This was an aight piece na mean...your visual presentation was more adventurous and well it was more aiethetically pleasing as well..your flow was aight stunted at times but overall it was aight na mean. Your concept/take was once again love, i think you should talk about other stuff like i've said countless times as love isn't a great topic in it's exclusivity. However, the main downside to this was one or 2 lines were forced and that's were the flow got patchy. like i've said before try and keep your wording natural and don't write for the rhyme but let it naturally slide in the lines.
Overall, this was a good effortand you should now branch off or explore other concepts.

---

^^chea wut he said Fam. this wasnt near ur best. man u been on a big dry spell. last om u had that was even close to wut i expect out of u was teen love. ur imagery in this piece was decent but it wasnt nuthin. i oculdnt really make a picture of this in my mind. wordplay was damn near non existant. and ur metaphors n multis were blah at best. dj u need 2 gid bacc on ya grizzy fam.

i think its a decent peice, though i you should beef up your
internals, or a couple of multies, mainly because i wasnt
digging some of your end rhymes, to sharp and they stood
out, though your flow waas mostly on point, the topic is
nothing new, so i would of liked to have seen a different
angle or approach, something unexpected, id have to
say the best part of this is your ability to tell a story
and the emotion was good...

keep rippin those scripts...

Rtf...hit the link....peace

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=316236

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...73#post5294673

^^hit that up please

damn.. crazy ass flow

Thanks. leave links.

ohh shIIt, Ima tell this to my lady....instant draws dropper
good ish brah