Live. Situations.

See these be the times, I wish I was a cat with nine lives.
I'm sick of this life, wish I could start it over and do it right.
I mean I'm living in social hell, Outkast like Andre but only
time will tell, will I previal? As the years get young and I
grow older.. Or will I be a victim to society with a heart
thats colder? Feel like a soldier, Saluting in a white mans
world. I'm sick of the stress, I'm sick of the pains I feel in
my chest. Forced by the world and peer pressure, I smoke a
cigarette. Slowly eating away at my lungs, but I can't
feel it yet, but you can bet, everything you do comes back
1000 times fold. That's the way it is, it's not just another
story being told. Could it be that's why I'm feeling cold?
My heart bleed anti freeze, like a broke engine, but I'm
human so I fall to my knees. So please, with the help
of God, allowing and giving me the strenght I need to
proceed I strive to succeed. Like Talib Kweli to get by,
and so time follow me, I get high. Not as in altitude,
but as in smoking an L with my dudes. Compressed by
my feeling. I'm tired of being broke so I resort to drug
dealing, but on within that chapter comes another
whole story. I dont need that in my book for the
lord to read because it's boring. So like X said,
"same shit dawg, just a different day". He right,
because by the end of the night or ya life, you
got a price to pay. So right away, you start to feel
it when it hit you. Your conscious is trying to tell
you dawg, "the reaper's coming to get you". so now
you have an issue, not with the reaper, but the
issue with your mouth on your pistol.

The Barrel
5 horsemen

this was aiightish.....Now when you do topicals try to go line for line at least that's what I do... keep up with cha syllable count..to ensure your'e alinement....use extensive vocab to clarify emotion and add imagery....Try different topics and ways to play off them in a unusual matter...and different rhyme schemes...lik aabb abab abba that help's depending on your style....just some tips..

but for this piece I felt you did aiight on covering the basic's of a O-M....imagery, content,emotion,wording, and structure..... Presentation is a must now....and when presenting ya O-M it's aiight to kinda hide the rhyme scheme....like you did in this one but just make sure ya syllable count is up to par for if not it affects the flowing of the piece....just take heed some of this info and you'll get better as you write...

yeah like forum said work on ur rhyme scheme. and take it line by line. and make it more thought out fam. i could see u had a vision with this piece but u didnt really properly execute it. wordplay wasnt really there no real emotion or diction. but besides that it was decent.

hit up the second OM link plesa

Word to what they said, your rhyme scheme wasn't very good, but thats something that's easy to work on. But other then that this was a good piece. Creativity was good. The imegry of the piece was also good. I didn't get that bored while reading, so that's a good thing. Just work on your rhyme scheme and you will be fine. Overall this was a pretty good read.

Charles- This is the first OM iv read or seen from you..it was good for your first, but meh compared to others...Make it all one line and not keepy flowing into the next line like you did...also, use a little bit more imagery and go a little deeper into your plot next time...Good Job for usually doing text tho