-
Row of Stones.
1939
http://www.chron.com/content/chronic...ges/photo3.gif
As the heroes and men fell, to avoid a deep hell
We all know, that they can’t all sleep well
The men got down, crawled on the ground
As they try not to stall and not to get found
Not a sound, they try their best to keep quit
They see a light, try there best to creep by it
That was then back in the war, & this is now
Passed away sore, the family’s wonder how.
6 Years Later.
The days have passed as I walk those roads
Many paths to follow, & just as many stones
Why did this happen...What was it all for?
All these men lay here and hearts beat no more
So many people sore, as they all drift apart
The end has gone by…now where do we start?
So many broken in pain and shattered in bones
As I walk through this massacre of a row of stones
1945
http://www.filemagazine.com/thecolle...y-of-death.jpg
-
-
awww this is sad...I like the pictures that you have. anyways, flow was good, vocab was decent, structure was good. Rhymes were simple but that was okay cuz it gave a mood to this piece that fit it. There was definitely emotion and imagery in this piece. Too bad it's so short though, it would be cool if you explanded on it, but overall dope piece. Please hit up the first link in my sig
-
Freaky, I was going to use that last picture on one of my OM's on ferocity.
But this was a short and sweet piece, you have a very unique way of approaching and executing topics.
One main reason your lines are short is because of your lack of vocabulary, which needs work on. Sorry to say it, but it needs to be said, althought I do understand my opinion is one in a million, and everyone is different, I still think you should lengthen your lines, and spend more time on your pieces.
Peace and Cheers, RTF on my OM "The Blind Perspective".
-
Cool pictures, but there was a lack of consistency and wording. You can do much more with this and actually I might do a OM like this...I liked the topic. But what I did like was the storyline, although dull and boring in some areas, the overall story was sad and intriguing. I hoe to see you writing more and I hope it's longer, but keep at it DJ.
-Mariah (hit my piece "LoveHate")
-
this was good DJ. it was an original topic. atfirst ur flow was kind of ackward then it progressed as the piece progressed. the pictures helped to bring out your imagery. i like how you compared the years. vocab and metaphors was nice. the multis stood out to me. overall this was a nice piece. me and u should collabo one day
-
hmm concept was pretty original for the most part...i dont know this piece was just okay to me....but you had nice emotion and imagery in this..its just that the piece didnt really catch my attention for that long...i like the pictures you used also because it gave me a visual of what you were saying..but i think you could've upped the vocab a little and used more multies to keep the reader interested....overall this was a decent drop though...not your best but pretty decent...good shyt.
hit my OM with Xplicit talent in sig plz...appreciate it.
-
nice orginal concept....but same ol Dj...... The style or format that you are doing now you have mastered....I think that you should try exploring new avenues as far as structure and rhyme scheme to add to your great wording...and uppin ya vocab as well would make you a much doper Topical Head than u are... Overall this piece was a good read....just try doing some of the things I mentioned and see where it takes you...
-
-
