-
Wade In The Water
Wade In The Water
Before My Journey
I am running away every day, as I stay my master’s prey
“A Slave is stray” is what he would say, when I got away
Just because my skin is not white, they think that im not right
I know im not bright, but I put up a fight, to give him a fright
I wade in the water, for my daughter, hoping he hasn’t caught her
I had my mother, but the shot her, so now im a victim of slaughter
Every time I flee, I just wonder, “How could they do this to me?”
I won’t stop running until im free, why cant he just leave me be?
He won’t even allow me to read, he would rather see me bleed
As I lay there and bleed, I cry and plead, to have my family freed
I know the end is near, I need to get away from here, I need a cure
For all of the fear, that is going to appear, every night that im here
They whip me until in soaked in gore, I really can’t take it anymore
So as my master snores, with my skin tore, I rush for the door
Wade In The Water
I made it away from the plantation, but I am in need of salvation
Im in a bad situation, I lack education, so I don’t know my location
Running down the Mississippi River, the water is cold so I shiver
I can faintly hear his dogs barking, so I quiver, but I must deliver
I must make it to the Underground Railroad, I sing the escape code
“Wade In The Water, Children, Wade In The Water”
My journey is going to be long, so it helps when I sing the song
I need to stay strong, the Underground Railroad is where I belong
It’s almost like a race, because I know my master is soon to chase
I don’t belong at his place, I can tell he is moving at a fast pace
Because the barking dogs get loud, I know hes onto my route
When I think of my family I pout, now I can hear my master shout
“Give up boy, Im going to catch you!”
Now I know that he is not far away, as the sky grows grey
I must find a way, to make it another day, because I cannot stay
With my master, I need to move faster, or there will be a disaster
If I do not move faster, I will be caught and whipped by my master
After A Weeks Journey
I have out ran him, but I still feel that my chances are slim
My determination is grim, with little food, and I can hardly swim
The river water is cold, but every hour alive is like finding gold
No im thinking about the day I was sold, and when I was told
That I will be a slave for life, and that I will be leaving my wife
In a way it ended my life, like takin a knife, and making a slice
I have travelled for a week, and now I know that the place I seek
Is getting closer to me, but I don’t know if ill make it, im so weak
A rush comes over me and I feel alright, I can hear songs in the night
Almost like I make it to freedom during the night, liberty is in sight
I am sill travelling in the water, I think of seeing my daughter
I think of my new life with my daughter, and no more slaughter
I see people standing ahead of me, in a circle singing with glee
With all these people that I can see, I realise that I am free
-
-
I Know It's Long, But Leave Feed.
-
This piece was so powerful i had to read it twice...you used very nice imagery and you gave the story a sense of urgency to escape which made it a suspenseful read...though the vocab wasnt very complex you still manage to a keep a very subtle feel to it which is very hard to do...damn the structure was easy to follow which made for a nice read...nice nice concept even though it probably has been done in the past this is a first for me...suprised people are sleeping on this...but i know how you feel...so plzz return the favor on my OM called "Hell's Angels" ..i would greatly appreciate it...thank you.
-
Thanks, Ill Hit Your Link In A Little While.
-
D-O-P-E....no matter our differences this shit was dope wyte. this shit was crazy dope funk fresh man. i like how u sectioned it. it made the imagery and the lines come out more. and it made it seemed more thought out and more orgainized. my favorite part was before the journey and after the journey. the wade in the water part was my least favorite part and even that was dope. this is a most def canidate for November H0F
-
-
-
Okay this was simplicit...i'll get criticsms out of the way first...you have attempted to use multiples/inners etc and have used em aight for your flow to be good and all but your rhymes are too simple i mean i could literally predict what the next rhyming word was going to be..you have to broaden your vocab..not big words but more fresh and exclusive words. Furthermore, the ending didnn't hit me and this piece didn't move me...you need to come up with fresher ideas and concepts in parts to juice up your lines. Aight with the criticsms out the way, i reckon your visual structure was good and lines were in the majority even which made it easier to read and helped your flow by making it easier to read na mean. Your subtitles idea was good and yes that does help and the way you uesd the title to make this kind of a topic was clever to. I liked that, your first person narrative did get me into the piece at times na mean. I could at times picture what the character could/would look like which is another good thing. Plus i liked the overall storyline set up as well.
Overall, this was an aight piece, you used a played out topic with a good title and got the reader into it many times but i believe you should broaden your vocabulary to incorporate more exclusive multiples/inners and should insert more imagery i.e. more intense description and metaphors..plus a sprinkle of personification would add to the overall quality of the piece.
If you haven't still checked the topical FL champ battle, i'd appreciate you to go leave an HONEST vote
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=314626
-
-
-
This was a great piece, you brought a nice flow, and extremelly flash vocabulary too.
Your structure was what made it great, the simplicity and that fact it was so unique, is what really drew me into it... Congrats on that.
There was some emotion to this, and whilst others may have been extremelly moved, I wasnt as moved... Not sure why, but everyones got their style.
Overall this was a great piece man :) Props to you.
Peace and Cheers fam.
PS: RTF on "Black Roses, Red Tears"
-
This was a nice little read my man. I like your OMs and I enjoy reading your peices. It's evident that you have elevated a lot from the last time I read your work, there is a lot more fluency about your writing now, which is great to see because I love seeing people starting to fulfill their potential. Like Pak said there are a few minor set backs in your writing, but they will be refined with time, nice shit dude, keep at it.
