Me Without You

Me without you
is like 20 with no 2
cause I'm nothing without you
Me without you
is like Bush with no Iraq
or a douche with no bag
it's like news with no cast
or glue with no grasp
Without you
I have no future
just a past
With you
My life is sutured
with a plan that last
Me without you
is like a priest with no crucifix
or a beat with no boost to it
Me without you
is like D12 with no Proof in it
I love all that's God's beauty
and all that has truth in it
But fuck this beautiful life
if its only got me with no you in it

pretty good...basic really..u need longer lines..better vocab....more imagery...and basically everything...good start and concept though...just elevate

pretty much...you got the basics down and you could become good if you take the advice givin...just work on longer lines and make the vocab more complex and go from there i was feeling the emotion i must say..ps you need 2 links of decent feed or this will get closed.

I like your topic u were consistent whit your point but better vocab,longer more visual lines would'ove made this piece alot more intriguing
just room to elavate....
HOFFA.......