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EMOtions [short]
EMOtions
In our world, people pick on others flaws and criticize
Looking at their splinters, before the plank in our eyes
There is a rhyme and reason for our intricate motions
From the simple greetings to the more explicit notions
Bring to peace the sorrow, for it isn't becoming of man
God created you and I, but we do nothing He planned
We continue forward, our bodies with hearts crushed
Lead ourselves to believe harsh words thrown at us
Saddened and damaged, now crumbling at the knees
Courageously moving from mumbling, as we scream
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife
It is miserable to hide that which cannot be hidden
So we're stained with pain until it flows like crimson
Beaten and battered, scattered thoughts race through
Picking at the scars and hurts, no wonder they HATE you
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Well, this is a krayzie piece right here. Obviously you're talkin about them krayzie people who be cuttin they wrists and shit. Now don't get me wrong, i aint sayin they're krayzie cuzza tha way that they dress/act/look... But I'm sorry, no matter what someone says to or about you, if you really decide to end your life, or cut for attention and say you wanna die so people will feel bad for you, then you really need to get your fuckin head checked. I like the piece though. There's some good descriptive lines in it. The flow is alright, i lost it a couple times, coulda been better. But this is overall a good piece with good vocab and descriptions... I'll just never understand tha type of person who lets things other people say get to them to the point they hurt themselves... Think about it, i mean... if someone pissin you off, callin you names and puttin you down... KNOCK UM THA FUCK OUT!!! don't go home and start playin doctor on your OWN fuckin wrists. I got more respect for them nigguhz that did columbine than any person who goes home and cuts themselves... just dont be a typical white person... shoot whoever is pissing you off, not tha whole fuckin school... Anyways... this was a good drop, with a deep emotional meaning that no matter where you live you can relate to it because there's people all over tha worl dwith this issue, they just need to wake up and fix it.
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hot i know some girl going thru something like that
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Yo ab0ve this was a nice piece in general.. there were minor flaws but everything was at an above par level. the whole concept of the piece was more or less creative and you really elaborated on the topic in the last few lines there, they seemed to be the perfect fit to fit the topic.. the structure of your piece was pretty much flawless and you had a great flow to it.. the descriptiveness and imagry was on point.. though, furthermore enhance it, try to be a bit more metaphorical and abstract in your pieces.. it adds a specail element of intelligence to it and it really shows off your skills if you do that.. rhymes and multis were all there, though it seems like the words you were using to rhyme were really simplistic and easy to pull off.. try and use more complexity in your rhymes and really show off some big words in your multis.. that makes it sound better and once again, shows off your skills better.. all in all good work... bro, now do our collab :mad: lol just playin...
if u can leave feed on my new OM in my sig titled Satan's So Seductive Ft. Pakaveli that would be greatly appreciated.. 1
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I liked this...to be honest I wanted it to continue. I would have enjoyed this more as a long piece, but this is just fine as it is. You put a lot of emotion into it, which made imagery a lil cloudy, but not bad. Choice vocabuly words, even though vocab does not make a piece. But anyway good piece...even if it was on a very vague topic. Keep it up.
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I really enjoyed this piece actually. Though it was short it had a lot of information and it was well organized. The vocab was great and the imagery was amzing. The content was strong, it flowed with emotion and as it changed to anger in the end I really felt it. I understand what you'er trying to say as well. I wish there was more to it, because it's perfect in every aspect. I really enjoyed it. It's one of the few really good pieces on here at the moment. Keep it up
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very nice and short deff was my type of read and just the title alone had me intrested...i liked the conpect you did on this drop even though its pretty played seeing as alot of people try this kind of om...the flow was very good and had nice multues...vocab was alright not to simple and not complex at all which kept me reading ...this was good and you're strutre was nice as well...keep up..hit the oms in sig.
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contectually i enjoyed the piece and felt like you had alot of value in what you were trying to put out there, however, alot of the fundamentals seemed to be just shy of standard. the rhyme scheme you used was basically just a single syllable repitition - no really consious assonance, alliteration, scheme. so that made the read slow down and took away from the content it self. also, your diction and word placement slowed down the fluency of the piece as a whole when you had right in the begining "pick on others flaws and critisize - before the plank in our eyes." in the first line the overuse of plural tense makes the line feel jumbled and overcrowded, and plank is such an abrupt and hard sounding word that it overpowers the much softer sound of flaws from the first line and really makes the fact that you didn't use multi-syllable rhyming stand out. so ya, contectually a cool piece, i just found a lot of fault in your fundamentals, but those are easier to fix than content so it's no big man. lol oh, and you didn't need to emphasise the 'EMO' in 'Emotion,' because emo is already an abreviation of emotion. but ya, just work on cleaning up some of the basics and your set.
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this was deep i can hOnestly say that this 2 is 1 Of the best i've seen sO far
i like this cuz i can relate tO what its sayin
and i think u shOuld Of cOntinued
it wOuld Of turned Out better then it already is =]
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This was a pretty good piece man. I liked the relation you had in it towards real life, and just overall how you fitted it into a nice and compact piece man. This was a deep and nice piece, spreading ideas about the mind of a stereotyped 'emo' kid and how you stated causes and what they go through. Overall, nice job on this one.
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I really liked reading this piece. I would have enjoyed it more if it was longer though. You had some nice metas. Wordplay was also good. Pretty creative. I really like the imegry of this piece too. Overall this was a good read.
