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The Two
Yeah, it may be a bit long but please read it through, I spent a good bit of time on this and hope to get some good feed. Enjoy.
|--The Two--|
|--The Tale Begins...--|
A mother pregnated while sedated left her with hatrid and scared
Life was a thing despised aside from the two babies she carried
And maybe 'It wouldn't be so bad' she thought, the day before she was told
At seventeen she'd gotten cancer and would die, never seeing her babys grow old
So when disaster struck the mother gasped and took
In air, and stared at her dad with a ghastly look
And so passed her book, she left her kids with her sister, named Ashely Brook
And to look at first sight you'd think she's quite quiet indeed
But the streets are hungry so she was strung tryna feed her little sis's seed
And toll was took, and they were left with Grandaddy Brook a bit
He'd only had left, half his wit, the rest masked in his liquor fits
And the young ones grew, love was back to back the others care they took
But did they even have that ? Let me tell the tale of Vin & Vernon Brook...
|--History of Verne--|
He graduated at the age of twelve
Aggravated burglary left 'em framed in jail
& hell is what he endured uncurable pains slain esteem in self
And to tell'd get 'em hunted, combusted, hanged 'n fell
Everytime he'd turn around he was gettin' pounded 'n rained wit' welps
To hell with watchin' backs, he could baredly even save himself
He'd lost hope on God or an angels help
& resorted to violence wit' steel & would steal to have things to sell
Sometimes he'd feel like just endin' life with his last lifeline..., a razors help
'Cause his brains can't stand the pain that stained hisself
He was dealt a shitty hand in this game of chance
A fish thats been damned from liquid to a plane of land
Predicaments that of a musicians who's been detained a hand
He was enstranged, an aliend livin' in a foriegn strangers land
But in the same days his brother Ven was bein' named a god
So on, the story pours of a failure pained wit' flaws...
|--History of Ven--|
Now Ven on the other hand was valiant and wise
Blessed with talent, being recognized & set aside was a thing of no suprise
Even in the beginning Ven was meant as the best
Bested vet's from rocket science to burnin' 'em in chess
And since takin' in his first breath he was framed on being perfect
Exertin' flawless thoughts that brought him 6 figures--being inadvertant
And through him, he believed the untrue...life was just the same for Vernon
But learnin' was still to be done of how Ven was hurting Vernon with his wins
How unknowingly he outdid his twin brotha since they were but kids
Turned him from an outworded boy...& threw his soul into a pit
But as for Ven his role's been adorned from S.C to overseas
Only thing, left now to be done is to wait out his four years 'till presedency
But boy do believe, his brother has another plan for the world to see...
|--The Confrontation--|
Ven came home from the sounds of ADT and saw some broken glass
Then started to grow fearful not only for he but his fiance-Violet Nash
Picked up the phone...No dial tone..then he saw a bloke cloaked & masked
He took a broke look at Ven & then he spoke at last...
"It's time for payback! I had enough shit, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!!
Ven said.."Calm down I don't know what you mean, you've got the wrong guy for sure!"
Next the gun was drawn towards Ven's form before he took a turn
...Then he felt an absure burn like third churn within his chest
Looked down to observe and the splurt had turned his white shirt into red
& with limited time left, to Vernon he turned, gasped, and said..
"Why brother ? ...We're the Two, what made you turn me to this mess..?
Then steps were taken closer to Ven before he began to slur...
"You turned the last curb and urked my final and last nerve!!
More than ever last summer when I unknowingly left your ass with HER!!
Comin' back with burgers I stepped out of your hummer to serve...
Walked into the garage and saw you fuckin' her in the back of my shitty Sunbird!!!
But no words could express my mentions so I just bit my lip in detest
& sipped the crimson that you most often intentionally left..."
"I didn't mean to 'cause you pain please forgive what I have dealt.."
But only off rage he functioned now and out came the gun from around his belt..
Pulled it twice to his own brother, his own blood and flesh..
Then yelled "THERE VEN I WIN!! NOW PUT THAT ON YOUR TROPHY SHELF!!
So with his last breath at hand Ven formed his words before he ceased
And said four syllables that brought Vernon to his knees
" I still...love you..."-So with that Vernon fell over his brother and cried...
"There's nothing left to do Ven, without you I'm less than nothing, I'm less a life..."
Without you The Two is one.." so he turned the gun to himself by his brothers side...
...Now he finally got what he had done...killed the one who gave him life..
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Thanks for the feed on As I... But for you'res...this was actually really nice...i wasnt expecting this type of work from a new kid...you had really good flow that stayed up throught out the whole drop...multies we're a bit weak..but there pretty hard for some people and not really a big deal...the topic was nice and you we're pretty creative...i could just say keep you're title basic not |-- the two...just The Two...and work on you're strutre keep up dude.
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Heh, thanks, your words are taken into heed. ( Lol, I'm the 'new kid')
Keep the feed comin' people...
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re opend due to better feedback
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Thanks, now, uppin' for feed !
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lol a bit long for me to read all at once coz time is short n shit............
you are.....
pretty good on the wording with claritybeing fluent in the story telling tho the rhymes ran a bit basic tho worked well ish i guess. flow could be sharpend maybe by way of adding a sort of poetic rythm here and there and controlling the amount of syllbles and words you use in a line or bar...... internal rhyming seemed pretty good still f'sho....... vocab could be wodened . not nessasarily longer words just a wider variety of words...... imagery was solid enogh.... yeah storyline was coo..
decent piece f'sho
pz1
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Thanks for feed, Uppin' !
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