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Darkness.
http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n...esDarkness.jpg
Her View on Life…
Only fifteen and she’s already starting to hate living
Made some mistakes…her parents weren’t forgiving
She has no support at home, school or even friends
Thinking that if she stayed, life would very soon end
She bends back as far as she can to make things right
Dad is never home, and all mom wants to do is fight
She tries to hide the fright but deep down she scared
Can’t bare with this pain she just wishes life is fair
She starts to write poems, explaining her home
Hopes when she’s grown she can then be alone
The cuts and slits on her wrist are from deep pain
Cant do it to anyone else, hurts her self to keep sane
Gets teased at school because kids know her life
She tries to do is fit in and tries her best to be liked
Sits in her room all day long scared to show her face
Wants to have life erased, her mom thinks she a disgrace
Her dad wants her replaced…there isn’t much she can do
There is not much that she hasn’t already been through
She wants to take the final step…put this bullshit away
This girl who lives in darkness said she hates her mom
And finally she put her life to rest the very next day…
And It Ends...
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yeah nice piece bro.....coo format n flow was tite..............
had some good rhyme combos..............
good expression was within this piece so mos def had a splice of imagery here and there to pep it up
yeah was a pretty smooth read f'sho
pz1
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dj...are you who I think you are?...from Toronto?
btw, nice piece...flow was dope...meta's were nice, lyrics were strate
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This is about the same as any other piece you've done. Dj I know you're better than this and you need to spiceN it up a bit bro. Ya flow was aiight and i like how you stuck to the topic. The structure is always on point. It's just things you need to work on like vocab and wordplay to give the reader that aw! type of feel as they read through it. You should try a different rhyme scheme as well like Baron P. told me. Instead aabb all the time try abab or abba ya know . good shit though. keep it ^
