Plunge Of My Heart

Plunge Of My Heart
http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/300W/fs7...risTheNeko.jpg


The wooden planks screamed for me to follow
Swallowed faith and dreamed of life tomorrow.
Heart as hollow as the gauged ears I listen with.
Mystic grip on the fishing pole I'm fishing with.
Cast away my emotions out beneath bliss.
Begin the time when the fish cry "Why Fish?!"
Cause I'm like this, rod and reel to feed my family.
Poverty is happening and I'll kill till life's lived happily.
With this thought the moon gained a voice.
"You'll never find a full stomach fishing in these kois."
Then the dock shook the nails out of place.
I stopped to look and realized it was too late.
Feet were too heavy to run towards the levy of crumbs.
Forced to take the plunge over my families funds.
Held both lungs closed but couldn't find the moon.
Soaked to the bone, clothes drenched to the shoes.
Swam with no movement, consumed in the tide.
Assumed I'd just ride the waves through the night.
See where fate takes me, places me to face dreams.
And now, I'm facing beings I've never seen. Believe.

Hesistant at first but it was evident our world
Was resisdent to worst.. "Death leads to birth
and breath brings in hurt.. Rest without air."
The koi told me to void acceptance and care.
Nevermind reputation and egotistical feelings.
Live out the basment with inspirations at the ceiling.
Place one foot after another and step into history.
Visions see mysteries of harmony and misery.
Balancing on the tips of dreams. Hands reaching
Viciously for smiles and I'm risking vital recitials.
Pushed aside my title to feed my hungry child.
All while battling inner beings, defending me.
Pretending to see a happy family.
Portrait that portrays sunny days and displays change..
Rearranged fame against the grain, into pain.
Then slay the beathing heart that seems to dark.
Rub the shards to start a spark
That friction could never start.

With this flame, I burnt passed troubles.
Learned to laugh at struggles while doubled
Over. Grasping for bubbles. A clover
Fell softly.. Smelt awfully, old and bordered
Luck.. 4 fingers of myth was all I owned.
Beneath the surface and away from home.
My pockets were to much weight & luggage.
Held more complications than I could ever budget.
Plummit in, the spiral of death and greed.
Socitey.. Violent Teens.. Rioting.. Hungry.
Beneath the sea I finally seen this.. Believed it.
Acheieved bliss through a bleeding wrist.
Fishing with my own veins as string, heart for bate.
Tattered faith brought me a shattered fate.

links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312242
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post5203644

:love:

X this was an amazing drop from the start, at first i couldn't figure what the take was but then as i read on it unraviel'd to be a damn good drop, with so much in depth lines to depict the story emotion was beautiful but still minor flaws and yet so un-noticable until i tried to switch each transition from line to line but nonetheless slow smoothly im surprised at your ability of writing so far so continue to drop pieces like this and you definately leave a mark on the site, keep it up homie

Thanx Greed that means alot comin from u mann

jesus man.

This was great, I'll start off with nameing the only flaw, some places it didn't flow well, but this was great, the imagery on this piece was sick, you painted a picture with each line, and it was great, rhymescheme was very professional, you made this topic so deep, this piece had so much emotion and it was incredible, start to finish you kept me reading it, just the thought of what you said really opens up peoples eyes to life, incredible.

Nevermind reputation and egotistical feelings.
Live out the basment with inspirations at the ceiling.
Place one foot after another and step into history.
Visions see mysteries of harmony and misery.
Balancing on the tips of dreams. Hands reaching
Viciously for smiles and I'm risking vital recitials.
Pushed aside my title to feed my hungry child.

By far my favorite lines, I thought you were really used strong emotion in those lines, and it was brilliant, your topic was incredible and I really loved this piece X. good job man, look forward to reading more from you.

HoF.

Thanx for the feed mann really appreciate it

Takin a look into your heart realizin there is much dark.
A gifted visionary, yup!! TRILL ART.

Lil' HUERO

Takin a look into your heart realizin there is much dark.
A gifted visionary, yup!! TRILL ART.

Lil' HUERO

uppin for Feed

this was just dope as fuck....from the start you had me reading and fully intrested...even with out the picture this was amazing...your flow was perfect with the strutre no stretched lines...good multies...nice sense of rhyming and perfect vocab...easy to read with that smooth lay out...this was a real nice drop man..your best yet deffintly hall of fame...keep up.

uppin for feed

This was a very good piece indeed. I liked th flow i said it out slowly and at parts you could add that vocal emotion hich makes this piece even more sick. I mean sick as in very good lol. Anyway, i think the visual presentation was good but what really boutgh this piece to life was the whole concept and take on the piece. I reckon the storyline went good and certain lines really stood out...main problem for me where grammatical errors, you need to sort that out. Lastly, i have to quote tha part which i liked the most as i thought it was very very good.

Quote:

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Fishing with my own veins as string, heart for bate.

---

^That line was beatiful.

That means alot comin from a talented writer as ur self thanx Baron

uppin for feed this is a great write guys just takes some time to read

Fucking sit dude. Why didnt you drop like this against Pak lol;

Thw wording was damn near Perfect. Flow was great. Constant rhyming was ill.
The structr was nice and clean. The creativty wa dope. The Imagenary lfet a chapter book in my head. The peice (Unlike you're other one against Pak) was Perfect through the whole story. No flaws. This is you're light. This is HoF material (I'll be nominating this). Keep writing like this. Love it.!

~Blind.

i couldn't Grasp the topic that we were assigned so it didn't come out well at all