Tabula Rasa : The Parachute

There it is.. a canvas of choices, demanding set voices
A landscape within you that is expanding with voyages
Life's hourglass - the sand pour ' s in. Wasting away eternity
The path we didn't take slowly defacing the day's certainty
A maze of urgency, a hedge maze without a machete or blade
Slowly blurring the white line between pretend and the fake

When I was born, I was thoughtless. Lost without conscience
Expanding my mind province with the tool I spout thoughts with
A syntax being bred by believers, agnostics, rebels, and kings
All of the soliders, pacisfists, their ideas settled within
sentences cringe, or follow through strongly, due to my foundation
Conflicting concepts - molded how I comprehend sound vibration
Around, these faces, their verbs edit my though process
I reiterate, sadly - my brain is a hopelessly lost hostage
Opposed to my wrong conscience, surrounded by history's facts
Puritans, Jesus, the birth of him, Gahndi, the influences riddle my past
Little relaxed, a new voice takes hold of my choices, decisions
These opinions are infections injected like alloy syringes
In my dominion ..
My own world, where i think, where my race is hopeless
It's not ..
"minds are like parachutes, they only function when they are open"
That wasn't the statement chosen, that's no fact, itsa load of shit
It's minds are like parachutes, they catch the wind and go with it

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=311342 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=311868

yeah nice piece soul i'd say f'sho. i thought personaly it was way too short and cudda gone more into depth and told more of a story.and the whole structure thing just diddnt work gfor me. it just kind of seemed a bit not- fluient. so yeah from me as a raaper flow could be way better no doubt so then i can spit it 1 n feel it ya nah mean . but yeah nice poetic touches here and there so

so 1 blood

thanks.

not a problem. n anyway the format looks a lot better now when i look at it again,,,,, so yeah in a text sense it was sharp f'sho


1

Yeah, i really enjoyed this peice, smooth flow and a nice use of vocab and multies.
I really like the topic and sunbject, something i can read that wasnt full of "ima bust a cap in yo ass" and so on..
Overall a really nice peice where everything came together to make a good solid drop. keep it up.

^ Internal rhyming and multis are not neccessarily the same thing :bored:

Soul you have a very well worded voice in your drops, and a great display of internal rhyming, the imagry was outstanding just as much as the emotion that displayed it in depth and thoroughly, structure and rhyme scheme was decent, but the vocabulary was none other then complex to a certain extent it wasn't too complex to confuse people ya kno well homie this is an overally dope drop props

thanks to both

upping .

This was a song style ish something like The Eagles..i liked the inner and vocabulary as they both assisted in making the piece sound better and have better ryhtm and fluency/flow. the transitions were easy and your use of the statement was good to. IVisual structure was good and suited the topic na mean. Imagery and emotion were good to. They helped colour in the plines to make them stand out more and therefore, make the reader more attentive. I reckon the rhymeschem was good for the piece but if you had gone in more detail the R/S could have been improved in parts or maybe re-vamped idk...but as the piece stands i reckon it was very good compared to the last piece i read of yours.

Also, an HONEST vote on the FL Topical Championships would be great, keep it fair thanks
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312123

nice structure, nice multis, short in my opiono you could have wrote more, unique topic, nice vocabulary, i liked the way you explained the topic some pieces don[t do that as clear as you did, i really liked this line right here

When I was born, I was thoughtless. Lost without conscience
Expanding my mind province with the tool I spout thoughts with
A syntax being bred by believers, agnostics, rebels, and kings
All of the soliders, pacisfists, their ideas settled within
sentences cringe, or follow through strongly, due to my foundation
Conflicting concepts - molded how I comprehend sound vibration
Around, these faces, their verbs edit my though process
I reiterate, sadly - my brain is a hopelessly lost hostage

this was a hot piece please drop your thought on my link thank you
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=312493