Good Bye.

http://images.google.com/images?q=tb...DBYEMYLOVE.JPG
My love my life my everything, we are meant to be
No matter what I did you always came back to me
We may disagree at times; let’s not make it a fight
It’s not right…and it seems to happen every night
Not bright, do you honestly think it’s worth the tears
I want you for years…losing you is my only real fear
How it appears, don’t let anyone get in our way
Have you right now, and for life I plan on making you stay
I just pray, that some how we work everything out
Sabrina I don’t want to fight, cuss, scream or shout
That’s not what we about; I love you with all my heart
Had a rough start look where we are now don’t let it fall apart
Testing you wasn’t smart, I’m just thankful for another chance
I also just want to say thank you for changing me in advance
You made me a new person…not all about that thug shit
Never thought for anyone I could do it but you made me quit
You have put me though it all and now I don’t wanna lose you
Me in love? I would’ve never thought but hey who would’ve knew
You made it come true…and now anything you need I’m here
I’ll do anything to keep, you as my wife? Trust I can see it clear
Sabrina you are my life my love my everything no word of a lie
But as for right now I got to get out of the city so this is my good bye.
Love you Always.

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http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310972
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=310833

This is nice, i kind of get tired of the love pieces, but i respect your story and i hate to see anything with no feedback. Your flow was the better part of this, content was too personalized to your experience, it wasn't explained to me very well here. Like are you leaving her at the end, are you sad about that? You just kind of broke off saying Goodbye after all this loving her and wanting her as your wife and she's your life stuff... Oh, good line about never thought anyone could make you quit, I got that one good, and still haven't met one of those myself. I keep doing the shit to put up with all of mine =D

nice piece 4 a lovy dovy story...hope everything work out but no matta wut rememba lif eis an on goin struggle so all u can do is keep ya head like 2pac said....holla back on my piece.peace

Thanks..This is actually based on my life.

Uppin more feed.

this is a good, deep piece..
your rhyming was simple, but tht didnt affect the quality of the piece. The flow and structure were both consistent. The story here is good and emotional, and it shows how much you care about sabrina
Best parts:
I just pray, that some how we work everything out
Sabrina I don’t want to fight, cuss, scream or shout
That’s not what we about; I love you with all my heart
Had a rough start look where we are now don’t let it fall apart

keep up n keep writin

touching... i like how u werent afraid to get these feelings off ur chest, most men wouldnt get that courage... structure was nice, flow was on point... the most thing to stand out though was the emotion.. from the title i kinda thought it would have to do with emotion and u delievered it with the flow... ur other piece was similar to this and u came strong on both, overall it was good read ... one

Thanks.

A good piece here dj... - the good thing about you, is that you dont care if you mispell a word or two, or if your lines might be extended/short, but you mainly focus on emotion, and you also write for yourself, that will get you very far my friend.

Your flow was good, and your structure was also easy to relate to. Your vocabulary was alright, if you had to walk from this with something to improve, it would be your vocabulary.

A good piece, I would rate it 6.5/10 - Keep writing.

RTF on the "An Angels Guardian" link in my sig. Cheers.

i like what the words say as far as meaning goes but i don't think your delivery is strong enough. this reminds me of stuff i read on poetry websites, it means something to the writer but it doesn't flow and rhyme enough to catch the readers eye. i'm not hatin that much, its better than a lot of the stuff i read, just sayin your not gonna be on stage with mos def anytime soon with words like that.

Thanks.

man yo thang was off the hook.. nyc.. relli deep.. keep up the good work yo....1...

This was deep. great deal of emotion.
good imagery and flow. nice job
you had good rhymes and mutlies
vocab was ok. and overall this was good

my fav. lines were...
I just pray, that some how we work everything out
Sabrina I don’t want to fight, cuss, scream or shout
That’s not what we about; I love you with all my heart
Had a rough start look where we are now don’t let it fall apart

good job keep it up

Thanks.

upp.

This is a nice piece. Everything seems like it was the perfect choice for what u wanted to say. The word choice was good. The structure overall was decent, there were some sloppy ones that messed with the flow:

How it appears, don’t let anyone get in our way
Have you right now, and for life I plan on making you stay

I understand the line, and after i went back a couple times i caught the flow.