Open Mic #1

Open Mic Number: One
Adrenaline Junkie
September 20, 2006

We're all addicts, slaves to habits
and dammit, we cant escape the fate
doomed to repeat, repeat - injections
blood rushed in projections our mindless
inflections while infections run deep.
We strive to sleep but our minds creep
Blood seeps through veins, and begins to pound
So fast and so hard, the sound drowns
Nothing but the thud-thud, of this thick blood-stuff
I tighten my shoes, and prepare to lose,
I’m screwed by my need, this rabid habit
Just give in, finish living, the life of a junkie
It’s sunk me, and I’m just holding my breath
Cause I can’t live if I ain’t close to death
My brain’s smashed, I’d jump from mile-high
If I thought the plane would crash
Pay cash for scars, flaming cars,
Gold bars for broken bones, hanging from a line
With the telephone calling –
Mother’s bawling, I’m free-falling.

-f.falling

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my two links:

Looking At You - Clisk
Link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=308434

Listen - M O N.
Link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...35#post5151935

hmm....a nice realistic drop....alot of room for improvment..not that one to talk..lol...i dunno but for some reason i actually liked this drop...it didnt seem to creaitve..but it wasnt extremly over doing text like alot of ppl do...you kept it real...seems like a keystyle....but flow was nice...couldve improved the vocab..kinda weak...but rhymed real nice...seems like something nice on audio...but sate out -- from your verse no reason for that....try to make ur drops longer and go into detail more it'll help you out alot...good job we should collab some time...keep up and hit an om of mine if u have time.

thanks, word on the elevate, we can all elevate. 24 views and one reply, come on RB where is the community spirit?! Upping for a few more, then I'll write more. I haven't wrote in a while so i need to get back into the flow of things!!

i liked that shit, i can relate to alot of those feelings bro. i liked the way you structured each line, it was easy-as-hell to read with a beat in my head. you didn't really jump around topics, you stayed on point, and yeah...good stuff man. keep them coming.

-mE

only 2 replies in almost 40 views, please rb - i've been replying non-stop since my return, help me out too.

Didn't like the topic, you had an alright use of multis, lines were too short, there was no emotion in this, you need to pick more interesting topics, and make them vivid, it flowed well from beginning to end, decent use of vocabulary, you didn't really have an image to your om, you need to describe your topic, and stay on topic more. Your opening line sets the standard to how good your piece should be, try to stay above the bar though, you need more "big bangs" in your pieces, nothing jumped out at me as great.

Overall I didn't like this piece that much, it was decent for someone new, but you have potential, and I look forward to reading more elevated pieces. Good read though, keep writing.

Return the favor in my sig.

word, thanks clee. I don't think however my line length will increase, short lines has been my style for years now and i don't think that'll change however; what you say about developing my topic and adding emotion makes a lot of sense. thanks for the advice, and i'll reply to you when i get the chance.

upping for a few more.

upping. please?