Remember

Dear Brandi...
Remember

When We First Met
In the back of the car when we first met
We jus looked at each other
And I was to shy to talk to you yet
You seen how I was with your mother
Then you let me help you when u were upset
After awhile you started calling me your brother
Well that’s one of the things I’ll never regret

Back and Forth
We would chat back and forth msn to calls
Talk bout our self’s getting to know each other better
I remember u asking if I wanted to go to the mall
And I came wearing 5 shirts and a sweater
When you used to talk me out of going for brawls
Damn those we're good times and this is my letter
I jus wish the way we we're would've never fall

The Fuck Up
Well there was a big mix that got in the way
Drinking gangs or it was because I didn’t keep u away
Maybe it was when I got with layne
Cause that’s when shit got a lil insane
It’s hard to explain the way that I feel
But I can promise you this...the feeling is real

Second Chance
Well I guess I’m going to give it another try
And jus hope your reply aint good bye
Pretty shy...but I want the old days back
I’m going to admit after my shit i do deserve a smack
You we're the only person i told my life to
But I promise 1 more chance and I’ll stay true
No matter what I say I’ll stick to it like glue
You don’t have a clue...how much I need you
Keep me up to date on your answer…
Because Brandi...I really do love you

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...99#post5146699
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...4&page=1&pp=15
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...01#post5146701

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nice story line it flowed i liek the evolution of it all even using a time line the style was simple but realistic and emmotional at points enough to attrract the human psyche i likes over all

thanks.

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i liked that. alot of my rhymes gotta do with girls i had/have feelings for. however, most of them are targeted towards the phsyco-ex-girlfriends who are just plain crazy...

so its nice to see a girl-rhyme where the bitch isn't nuts. maybe there are decent women out there? hmm...

-mE

thanks.
...

upp...

It's a good peice i'm not gonna lie, like futs said its good to see that its positive in how
not all woman are like crazy. you also do a pretty good job of laying down your point of the whole peice on the last part of it. so over all its a good peice keep it up ~peace

thanks

uppers

Back and Forth
We would chat back and forth msn to calls
Talk bout our self’s getting to know each other better
I remember u asking if I wanted to go to the mall
And I came wearing 5 shirts and a sweater
When you used to talk me out of going for brawls
Damn those we're good times and this is my letter
I jus wish the way we we're would've never fall

The Fuck Up
Well there was a big mix that got in the way
Drinking gangs or it was because I didn’t keep u away
Maybe it was when I got with layne
Cause that’s when shit got a lil insane
It’s hard to explain the way that I feel
But I can promise you this...the feeling is real


This was my favorite part i could actually relate to it cuz me and my girl first met in the back of a friends car and i fucked up something like urself also but got a second chance and now i'm married to her but chea this piece was well put together i like how you had everything in the right spot the vocabulary was thought out perfect and the structure was on point like hell i loved this piece

Ok I really think you could have done better.You always seem to cut your lines short and I always want to see more.You could re word a few thing in there to.In all of your pieces,I have never really like your structure.....I just can't go along with it and for me it ruins the flow abit.Try to use more metas and some good descriptive writining.No hate just looking out for you and I will be keeping an eye on more of your pieces to come.

-Dyl

thanks.

its ok. the problem with it is its so simplistic. if you strengthen the vocab and tighten up on working on more complex rhythmic schemes you could be dope. but you got potential. just keep working at it.

RTF on my Rainbow Colored Dreams

nice ... i liked the first couple of stanzas cuz they flow was different ... i thought u stay on topic very well and gave good details to painting us a picture... vocab was simple but fit this piece very well enjoyed read nice drop ... one