Monsters on the Loose

The world makes monsters, and then refuses to mother them
Lacking in love, the lost and confused choose to spread suffering
Smothering siblings with an indifference for screaming victims
Treating the innocent with torment, time’ spent doing sick things
Sentiment’s hell-bent, a fallen angel grounded by clipped wings
Surrounded by shade, songs of lament ricochet as dry lips sing
Sordid rewards are stolen while holding the hilt of a sword
Terror cells defraud GOD, swearing a golden idol is Lord
Hyping-up the title deserved, homicidal, plus idle with words
The blind remain restrained, looking through an eyeful of curds
Frightful at first glimpse - this bloodthirsty jinx runs riot
Satellite’s pushed past the brink; now the link’s gone quiet

Hearts hardened in dislike rage relentlessly pumping spite
Humans with blown fuses and gripes known to be nothing nice
An unblessed fate unfolding, strife addicts’ still sucking that pipe
Deaths gates are open wide; so it’s too late for fucking advice
All sense appears densely drenched by peculiar images
Targets fall clutching wrenched guts, and spew plasma spillages
Sinning in limitless lust, each extreme brings a dream of a buzz
Raping and pillaging everything that’s seen if-not touched
Consciousness is concussed, fast becoming a fiend for the rush
Live shit to light the scene, there’s no screen from this grudge
Measly mortals crumble between blood-spattered thumbs
Unleashing enough cold to leave souls shattered at-once
Cats battered and crunched, ate for lunch, tattered then munched
Keeping it blunt in this globe of lousy bastards and cunts’

1

1- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309591
2- http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=309527

you twin i must say u brought the street fortitude with poetic landscape's out on this peace. your wordplay slash word usage fed this perfectly painting a picture graphically. i would comment on its flaws but i really dont see any in my opinion. never the less glad you still doing your thing no doubt .

no dizout bro.....

on the 1

uppin

Good piece here, reminding me of your more topical vibe and something wchich seems more thought out than your free verses. I could see that the multies and inners and all were toned down in this but the flow was distinct and the way you spoke rather poetically about the social status was good plus you had the trademark xplicitness at parts. Talking indirectly about real issues yet making the statments direct is clever and makes the piece more grasping and the reader more attentive. Overall, iliked this joint...good work, carry on with the flwoing and make sure to show and win in SS...G/L with that na mean, Stay up^.

word has been born

cough

^

up
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^

Cough

not bad... the rhyme scheme was horridly off at points though

smooth flow, for the most part. tired structure but the rhymes are above average, imo. the subject matter is something that should be heard by all. i liked it overall, nice solid piece, just needs a bit more refinement to solidify the flow and some of the rhyming.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by R.Christensen

not bad... the rhyme scheme was horridly off at points though

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AND THATS WHAT YOU CALL FEDBACK

LOL


THE RHYME SCHEME WAS NEVER OFF NEWAY YOU JUST DON'T HAVE THE SENSE TO SEE IT.

You dont understand a rhyme scheme then.

I'm done even reading any of your work.

Dont be a fucktard to someone who actually took the time to read and reply to you.

yeah, the rhyme scheme was a little off in some places, i know how you feel though, vortex, you write it and you write a lne that you know doesnt completely rhyme, but you think it rhymes well when you write it, looking back, you might pronounce it differently, or read the flow differently.. happens to me a lot... though this was good, i think your other pieces have been better... still a cool piece..

yo Vortex, I don't like you at all, you're an arrogant prick...but I'm going to leave feed anyway. First of all your rhyme scheme was off in places, but most of the time it was alright. I liked this peice, it was well written and well thought out. You have a great talent at making a peice flow extremely well without using complex vocab or anything like that, which is very impressive. I really liked this peice, it was an interesting read. I think you have definitely written better peices than this one, but it was still an enjoyable read none the less. Keep up the good work.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=311324
^return the favour.