Mentally Challenged

Mentally Challenged
By: Nash

a class with no class ..a mind long full of strain
her brawns over brains hold a strong tortured gain
and the want to be sane under the order of a hurtful slang
a small being strays a hall, null to a name!!

kicked, pushed, clawed ..dirt feels better in these odds
the silky feathers of a god touch a life leaving it awed
she walks the halls, watching as the chalk dust falls
upon the sediment. to her, the ones gone are evident
she'll never forget, but still she's labeled challenged
stuck under this eternally fabled malice ..
.. existence breaching the harshly stapled papers of balance
with peers leaving a foul sense of humorous comments
whilst this little girl vomits and shakes with her lonesome aches
and diseases. It only pleases her viewers for their own sakes
the seizures quake ..the organs beneath her take their turns
but she yearns for a peace ..
.. for life is the sun, and this is but a burn underneath
nothing she earned could group to stoop to a level this low
these helpful bully’s in life PUSH HER to grow
although, taunts and teasers flaunt their leisure’s
they couldn't be meaner ..she deserves the best
or curves to a greener grass, to ignore the pain in her chest
to slay veins to rest, should seem to be a dream they desire
but what we call fire seems to ignite them higher?

what's horrid is pleasant ..to the life of a peasant
and their strife should strive to send us a message
their normal ..we’re odd
something we should complain about to god
we should be slain around the flawed ..
for the sound of the words we speak
our horrid behavior is weak, not right to balance
if anything they’re normal, and we’re the mentally challenged


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...72#post5143372
The Witness
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...80#post5143680
Baron Mynd

yep ..

this feels like some fuckin eminem type of rap ish...the beginning then all of a sudden the beat drops and you start flowing RAW..lmfao.
koo this was creative....i see your style leaning on tim's way of writing like how he puts his words and sets them up for a metaphor to a multie...i can see it and i think you match this style more than your previous ones. the piece had nice muties and metaphors. the emotion here was good executed just nicely. you did good cry...this was a nice creative..played topic yet you twisted the story around and approached diffrently...nice my dude.

what's horrid is pleasant ..to the life of a peasant
and their strife should strive to send us a message
their normal ..we’re odd
something we should complain about to god
we should be slain around the flawed ..
for the sound of the words we speak
our horrid behavior is weak, not right to balance
if anything they’re normal, and we’re the mentally challenged
^^
loved your closer. nice emotion in such little bars. koolioso!.


RTF. on looking at you if so...

This was decent... I couldn't figure out if the chick was actually retarded, or epileptic, or both.. Or if she was the only normal person in the down syndrome ward. Basically I'm saying... Work on your focus. There was definately some sick lines...

"for life is the sun, and this is but a burn underneath" < Deep shit get's my favor.
The flow was pretty good, a little on the unconventional side, but it worked.. There was a few parts where you needed one more rhyme, but it didn't really take away from the piece. Good shit my man, keep at it.

Tim

yooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! no doubt you had some thought in this it is reminisent to eminem but you can definetly see your own twang and the stry was vividly told could be misfed as more horrorcore style but very entertaining...you might want to smoothen the rough edges a lil there were slighty confusing but over all i got it and thought this was fire.

thanks for the feed dudes ..

and Split.. yeah, she's an epileptic

This was a very good read. You really are getting a lot better with every peice, and if you keep elevayting I can see you being one of the best on the site, maybe not soon, but trust me if you keep up the hard work, it will pay off eventually. Elevation is evidently clear, I loved the imagery in this peice dude, you described everything perfectly and didn't leave the reader confused about anything. I loved the storyline, it wasn't so much original, because this is quite a used topic, but you made it your own, and did a grewta job with the topic. so yea, nice peice dude, keep elevating and I expect to see you in the hall of fame soon enough. Props.

thanks dude ..

more feed please, leave links and i'll touch your soul.