-
The Blue Plague
Chaotic violence is proper science, the galactic algorithim
We as mannequins re-enact the wrath of a thousand fissions
Renowned decisions; such as "Fight the heathens" and then
"spike the weaklings" As the circles rebels just delight in breathing!
Unite the peoples. A logarithmic society without retribution
Xiphoid concepts releasing the toxins that cloud evolution
On the clock again - "Revolution" for the swaggering denizen
Sipping the same dark vehemence that amassed in our president's
And our present kids. Sod's brother hit the convex dais
With his children, bombing and violence, mocking the right bliss
Despite this, my melancholy pysche plays honest carillions
Screaming, "People will die, and they'll start bombing civilians"
Agnostical prisons? God punishing cynics? Or vengeful respite
I am one/third war and battles, one of the centers of life
Sinners behold the inner soul of your synapse spill
Locked in a closer where I grow death and pile pills
Excited still, that purple haze wafts through adenoids
Feeding and sleeping off h.e.r in missionary/slave poise
Incisions in my face, void. These cicatrix hurt within
I myself - murdering my matrix like defiled limbs
Like a child's whim, I act irrationaly, just ask me
Always exacting ass-beats on those who pass me
But ist not my fault - its life's fault, it's living
It's the second part of existence - addiction
I possesse this nest of diamonds and shining objects
Unchivalrous because I'm lax about the dying concepts
Just relax and dine with all us - the opulent people
Buying your resources away from the despotic and feeble
Annex the creatures to our soul and its become abiotic
Further proving that we dont fathom the communal concept
Abusing our common knowledge that we are deserving
Living it up on twelve - day excursions
Burdens, left us years ago, as our episodic scandals continue
Giving up the chivalry your soul handles within you
It's a sin too, but I deny these stanzas, I'm natural Adolph-madness
The third part of life, greed, banknotes, and avarice!
I am a disease, spreading through the blue planet's populace
It's called life and death, and its infecting all of us!
-
-
soon my son soon...
will edit in feed.
-
This was quite a good peice, I have seen better from you, but I still liked it. I really liked the opener, it was what made me want to read on, your imagery in this peice was very good, you described everything extremely well, which helped the read a lot. The second stanza was not as impressive as the other two, and it seemed a bit rushed imo...I dunno why, I just wasn't feeling it as much as the other two. You had a great storyline and your metaphors were very impressive. As I said I thought this peice was quite good, but I have seen better from you, props none the less because I still enjoyed this a lot.
-
This was okay. First, I'd like to ask why all of those huge vocabularly words? Lol. I mean, these are words that you didn't even have to use to portray your message, like algorithim, xiphoid, carillions, adenoids, abiotic, etc. Those words look like something you looked up and threw in your verses, or elements from the periodic table. It's okay if your pieces are densed with vocabularly, but too much kills the quality and essence of the piece. Anyway, your flow was cool at some parts, but other parts, it was iffy. Like when you rhymed concept with abiotic. Um . .your last stanza was my favorite. .only because I could kind of catch on to what you are saying. The other two I don't particularly understand. You're either too out there or too vague.
-
I like vocab. :P
yeah, thanks
