A Cold Soul Ft. Kaotic Theory

Client- First verse, hook thing and thrid verse
K. Theory- Second verse

A Cold Soul

Infatuated with deception,
My soul’s trapped in an ice age
The worst of times have not only frozen
But has turned my soul to sand paper
It’s so gritty it puts McDonalds to shame
And so rough it breaks the Zamboni
A great depression is at war inside me
And it’s put my soul on the unemployment list
Which not only affects my attitude
But puts a damper on my mind state

So cold, so cold,
My mentality’s arctic
So cold, so cold,
My heart pumps icicles
So cold, so cold,
My breath freezes time
So cold, so cold,
My thoughts create brain freeze

the spirit was chosen
to be frozen for enternity
trapped in this cage
a cold heart full of rage
trapped in a iceberg of a body
chemical embanced, split personality
scratching thou inside, screaming
exhausted, life's starving demons
reaching, ur hand out for help
try to reach in, while the soul's bleeding
not seeing, tormented on a rampage
i can't love or feel anything
the soul's so cold......
Fucked up, is how life's been to me

So cold, so cold,
Penguins swim in my pool of thoughts
So cold, so cold,
My fingers are ice picks
So cold, so cold,
My presence turns rain to hail
So cold, so cold,
My lungs are ice bergs

Infatuated with the unfortunate,
A gambling career is out of the question
Bad luck travels with me first class
And haunts me like I’ve fucked seven black cats
But I live for the terror and die for catastrophes
While my body is under siege by terrorists
I smell of bad news like I bathed in obituaries
My own thunderstorm has settled in over me
The downpour of rain creates tsunamis in my brainwaves
Even the thunder and lightning can't shatter my frozen soul

Nice...the cold soul...wierdest thing is that i've had a internal coldness for the past couple of days and then this pops a long lol. Client, your writing is good and has started showing much sings f a better and more consistant writer. The first verse was one that juggeled me through 2 views, one poetic and one realistic. Poetic with all the personification and realistic with the fuckin Mcdonalds ish being mentioned lol.
Laotic, a very goo cameo verse from you and the flow was on oint and gave the reader another aspect from which they can percieve this topic. I liked your vocabulary too but most of all i liked your rhymescheme in that one verse.
Verse 3 shows that your character gets infatuated too quick, romeos die ma man lol. However showing that the infatuation is not of a person but of a feelin/luck makes it sound poetically good. Most of all, i liked your closer, gave it the emphasis, very well done thier.
For some reason the chorus reminded me of Vanilla Ice....don't know why though lol

Vanilla Ice? :confused: haha but thanks for the comments you know

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Client

Vanilla Ice? :confused: haha but thanks for the comments you know

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i know, i don't know why either but it just did lol. :2thumb:

I use to work in McDonalds part time lol..............I left though.

And I mentioned McDonalds cuz that shits gritty and my soul is too.

upp

upp

cna we get some more great feedback please

stop the gayness and leave feedback fools

bump

Client....I thought some of your wordchoice was poor, as were a few of your metaphors...Lines like
"It’s so gritty it puts McDonalds to shame"
"My thoughts create brain freeze"
"And haunts me like I’ve fucked seven black cats"
"I smell of bad news like I bathed in obituaries"

just didn't fit....they seemed forced and badly worded....other than that you had a pretty good verse...emotion was decent...imagery was a bit lacking

KT....pretty nice verse from you...I think "embanced" was sposed to be "Imbalanced"...and you should type out 'your' unstead of typing 'ur', but otherwise I liked your wording and emotion

Decent drop fellas

Alright this was a decent piece... never seen client drop anything even though you in my crew. first off i'd like to say the emotion and imagery in this was probably your strong point. the wording was okay but seemed forced in some places but not to bad and there was some spelling errors but thats fine becase i do that alot aswell since i got no program with spell check on my comp. but yeah the vocab was basic i thought you guys worked good as a collab team not the best i've seen from KT but still good

KT get at me for that collab

all in all this was a decent piece from the both of you..

Hit up my ish titled crossword

^^^^thanx dude....
hit me up with a pm stating the topic,how many lines and a concept
and ill get the verse to you when i can

this was decent...KT as always came with fire seemingly almost flawless on your part though client...it seemed like you had no feeling in this like some lines were massively forced to make it look witty which really took away from this original concept but this all together was nicely collabed and original. both did well and came with it..nice emotion aswell on both parts...client work on your wording and KT...damn i dont really have much to say you had minor flaws that i really cant say anything on seeing as you already know...
keep writing!.

rtf. on the link i my sig

thanks ill rtf later