'Unspoken Word Poetry' with Laureate

Unspoken Word Poetry
Prince Carter and Laureate
..
First stanza-Laureate
Second-Prince Carter
..
We sit in silence, racking up invisible mileage
Nothing to say through the wall that divides us
Barricades in the way, nothing left to say
Waiting for her spirit to whisk her away
The emotions I’m feeling, a knot in my stomach
Happiness within reach, but I’m forbidden to touch it
Words clogged it hurts now, my voice is long lost
Cause what I want to say conflicts with all my thoughts
What happened to the past, I know it’s history
Thought we were meant to be, you were so good to me
With each passing day, you’re drifting further away
I guess we just ran out of positive things to say
I watched you disappear, and look up to the sky
Contemplating why, our paths couldn’t collide
Tell me what’s next, remind me what was said
I have inner beauty only because you’re always in my head
..
we're both playing our part, neither speaking our hearts
within reach of departing but it smarts to use logic in love
love that lost to lust but the erotic is erroding in elation
passion suppressed, on my chest there isn't fashioned an S
you once took it, now im back to catching my breath
conversing in silence, unfamiliar and hot surrounding the room
my head is pounding, this change is pain, ain't no way around it
every word unsaid secures the mortar to the wall between us
i can barely see who you once were on my side of this imaginary divide..
i can no longer strive for our future, we're walking paths alone
side by side with eyes astray, we can't coincide this way
but dare i say or speak on why my heart stings
it once rang music but you've stretched too far my heartstrings
and now it seems all i can do is see you in memories
these eyes can't find or see, a time when you were only mine to keep
now time has seen to it that we've lost our steam, slowing our pace
we've stopped growing and the pain is deep
baby...things have changed and we both know it
but all we can do is sit in silence, as perfect unspoken word poets...

1luv.

Wow guys, this was phenomenal, hell of a job for both of you.

Laureate-You opened this piece beautifully, with simple yet powerful lines that really drew me into the poem. I thought you did a great job of setting the tone, your stanza was great and served as a perfect setup for your partner, good job man.

Prince-Man you took the steam Laureate created and ran with it! You did an excellent job man, your piece read great, and the stacato (sp?) flow of your piece, the way you switched up the rhyme scheme really gave it a kind of spoken word vibe which was different then Laureate's and really added depth to the poem, and the content was great as well man, dope ending.

Overall you both did an incredible job, hopefully there will be more from this tandem in the future.

-Fiasco

feed please

this was just JAW DROPPING......extremely emotional and extremely creative man.

The emotions I’m feeling, a knot in my stomach
Happiness within reach, but I’m forbidden to touch it
Words clogged it hurts now, my voice is long lost
Cause what I want to say conflicts with all my thoughts
What happened to the past, I know it’s history
Thought we were meant to be, you were so good to me
With each passing day, you’re drifting further away
I guess we just ran out of positive things to say
I watched you disappear, and look up to the sky
Contemplating why, our paths couldn’t collide
Tell me what’s next, remind me what was said
I have inner beauty only because you’re always in my head
^^
lauratte your verse drove me crazy i loved it..it was just such a nice Bar setter for others to feel and feed on in this case which prince actually did.....extremely content in vocab and wordings nicely done verse!.


my head is pounding, this change is pain, ain't no way around it
every word unsaid secures the mortar to the wall between us
i can barely see who you once were on my side of this imaginary divide..
i can no longer strive for our future, we're walking paths alone
side by side with eyes astray, we can't coincide this way
but dare i say or speak on why my heart stings
it once rang music but you've stretched too far my heartstrings
and now it seems all i can do is see you in memories
these eyes can't find or see, a time when you were only mine to keep
now time has seen to it that we've lost our steam, slowing our pace
we've stopped growing and the pain is deep
baby...things have changed and we both know it
but all we can do is sit in silence, as perfect unspoken word poets...
^^
the image you painted for me was just outstanding!.....nicely and excellently done!...it meshed very well with laurette's and it just continued the fire that was sent and you just topped it off well with your verse...props and much much respect to the both of you!


RTF if ya can please

thanks...dont sleep

Yo lyric..

You keep getting better and better, I remember when you were strickly text battles. But trust me bro. Poetry is your thing. You emotion has always been good, and this is a prime example of everything else getting better. You are fine tuning yourself. You got the flow of the words you got me wanting to read more the vocab is great everything is almost flawless.

Prince, your shit is good, no doubt your style is amazing. internal rhymes made it a better read then i thought the emotion wasnt as great as laureate but damn it was up there.. I cant wait to see your next piece mos def.

Dopeness....great topic to show some raw emotion in as well....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Laureate

Cause what I want to say conflicts with all my thoughts
What happened to the past, I know it’s history
Thought we were meant to be, you were so good to me
With each passing day, you’re drifting further away
I guess we just ran out of positive things to say
I watched you disappear, and look up to the sky
Contemplating why, our paths couldn’t collide
Tell me what’s next, remind me what was said
I have inner beauty only because you’re always in my head

---

Pretty much the last half of your entire verse was nice...emotion was dope....and I can say I've felt the same way about alot of sentences...specifically the opening of the quote...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Prince Carter

my head is pounding, this change is pain, ain't no way around it
every word unsaid secures the mortar to the wall between us
i can barely see who you once were on my side of this imaginary divide..
i can no longer strive for our future, we're walking paths alone
side by side with eyes astray, we can't coincide this way
but dare i say or speak on why my heart stings
it once rang music but you've stretched too far my heartstrings
and now it seems all i can do is see you in memories
these eyes can't find or see, a time when you were only mine to keep

---

You dug a little bit deeper with the contents of your verse than Laureate...specifically more examples of your love.....therefore the emotion seemed a little deeper as well...

BreakDown
Metaphors - 9/10
Vocabulary - 7.5/10
RhymeScheme - 6.5/10
Originality - 8.5/10
Emotion - 10/10
Overall - 41.5/50


Rating:
8.5/10

I appreciate the feed ya'll for real, your positive response means a lot to us, keep dropping the love, 1luv.

I appreciate the feed ya'll for real, your positive response means a lot to us, keep dropping the love, 1luv.

Shoot....why not?

Elevation is key.

Dude i hate to do this to you as you're a po member and shit.

But rules are rules.

-Closed. 3 poems open.

I'll re open it if another poem goes off the page.

Peace.

Re-Opened.