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A Natural Born Killer
A Natural Born Killer
Born into hardships, my mentality through life was oblique
Raised under Caesar, I grew up a fighter, mastering techniques
Witnessing my parents slaughtering made freak tendencies peak
Preying on the weak, my fixation in life was to hear the meek shriek
Lived for the grid of teeth; focused on making my killings unique
My tactics were sleek, due to my studies of the ancient greeks
I was raised to bring grief, and leave blood flowing like creeks
Now known as the murder chief, ever since I heard Caesar speak
Taken into Caesar’s home, the right hand next to his throne
Left Caesar’s home, used my right hand to leave enemies thrown
Inflicting damage like cyclones, I tormented unwanted individuals
When Caesar didn’t initiate a kill, animals fulfilled my rituals
We would conquer the world due to my habitual of bloodshed
And if you weren’t up to par, all Caesar said was, “Off with his head”
That’s all it took for me to react and make his neck detach
And watch his body go limp as if suffering from a heart attack
Hearts I attack; laugh at your diminished body, show no remorse
The Mediterranean was a pool of blood like swimming with Moses’ corpse
I was his unstoppable force; he was the father I was desperate for
He relinquished my fathom for blood when I was in need for more
He taught me love is war, a saying that can’t be empathized enough
Because love will put you in a position where war is all that you can trust
I’ll call your bluff, then spit in your face while I slice at your neck
Caesar taught me to ballroom dance through life, I’m always ahead a step
I collect the decapitated skulls of other nation’s leaders and kings
We were on our way, but it’s not over until the fat lady sings
We shared a common hate, for us to be together was fate
Conjugated of the same traits, were we great was the debate
I was known as the killer, he was known for breeding one
I was known by priests and nuns, his presence has been outdone
By my shadow, know he felt as if I was trying to take control
He separated from my soul, and my heart is what he stole
Now he knew what I was capable of, I was out for vengeance
I knew every move he made; I was his very own apprentice
He knew my significance was portentous, and that he hated
The ruthless killer was greater then he was supposed to be created
I felt vacated, arranged a meeting with him to settle the score
First glance I sliced his neck and cried as his body dropped to the floor
He was beheaded; I placed his skull where the others were stored
I gave him one last kiss on the cheek, and said I love you…
...But love means war
http://images.epilogue.net/users/jes...ze_Elfwood.jpg
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This was a nice peice,
The wordplay was pretty nice and you had some good flow. I liked the Creativty here. It was nice and helped the Emotion. I didnt care much for the structre but oh well I'm not rating that. The Imagenary could have been better but overall decent. 8-10. Keep writing. If possible pleas leave feedback on "Owls Wispers". To Return the favor.
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I liked this piece as i had told you before that whilst i had read the first parts i was like Whoa...some nice and unique stuff, i really can say i haven't seen this kind before i mean i have seen ceaser and war and everything but not the way you put it out enacting a character we could say was the honourary son of the ceaser. The writig in this was very good also and i would have nominated this though a few mistakes of word placement cost you as they undone your flow. overall, i really liked this, if only those small mistakes were not there. Stay up.
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haha thanks, damn I shoulda took a little more time. upp
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RTF on my poem "Owls Wispers". Please.
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I will, chill give me a minute.
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Good write...by the topic title, I thought it was gonna be the same old played out bullshit...but for your piece, it is a good topic title. Good usage of and placement of the vocab 4 real, the wording to rhyme kept me sort of guessing, know what I mean. The structure overall could use little work...little word placement and complexity....but I really did like it man, keep writing!
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i like this topical it was original i didnt expect this much from a topic like this one...but u brought a whole new spin on it...u had good vocab great wordplay the structure was good....u brought good a good overa image...it was very vivid....wow ur just a good writer...u did good and keep it up...
rtf oms in sig...:)
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I hit one of them up already, I'll hit another one up in a little
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Ok, where to start.. this was by no means bad, but I found it hard to really vibe with the actual concept. I mean, it was informative, but do people really wanna get into raps on the wrrior/caesar? Anyways, aside from this I slowly got into the piece.. You seem like you have the knack for it, but just need to develop some technical aspects.
"He taught me love is war, a saying that can’t be empathized enough
Because love will put you in a position where war is all that you can trust
I’ll call your bluff, then spit in your face while I slice at your neck
Caesar taught me to ballroom dance through life, I’m always ahead a step"
I liked this although it didn't flow that well, and some of your wording seemed
forced. Your imagery is getting really good, you just need to mold that into
decent rhymes, and a good rhyme scheme. By wording I meant, e.g I'm always ahead a step - should really have been - but I'm always a step ahead. Makes it flow better,
and for me, makes for a better rhyme. Nice drop overall, mate. Keep doing what you do!
